The Love Child of Complacency & Pop Culture

But no matter what you do, it always feels as though you tripped and fell

2006-07-27T16:57:00.000-07:00

Thursday Night -- Red Eye to North Carolina

Friday Morning -- Hook up with my college buddy Larry

Friday Afternoon -- Wedding girl (Myra) picks me up from Larry's house and brings me back to her apartment. We get naked.

Friday Night -- Myra's birthday bash. Drinking, partying, farewells (for her of course). Then back to her place. We get naked.

Saturday -- Last minute wrap-up. Goodbyes to last bit of friends and family. Pack the car. We get naked.

Sunday (early) -- We take off on the god-AWFUL drive across the country.

Wednesday -- Arrive at my place.

The next 6-8 weeks or so -- I have a live in something or other. She looks for a place of her own.

------------

Logically it's a good move. I've been hookin up with only Lisa for the past few months anyway. No complaints there, but she still lives in LA County so we only see each other about 2-3 weekends a month. And then of course during the week nothing's really goin on. Much of that is my own doing though...I haven't been playin the field too much lately. I got comfortable with the attachment-less and hassle-free sex Lisa brought to the table. It was easy.

So in comes Myra. Hot…in every sense of the word --- physically, sexually --- just a hot girl. Loves to cook, give head, and has a libido equal or greater to mine. She more than makes up for what I’d lose in Lisa…but having her live with me, even for a short time, is freakin me the fuck out. I’ve been gettin my George Clooney on for quite some time now – it’s a hard thing to let go of. I’ll be well fucked and fed by a hottie for 8 weeks and if someone presented me with an option to cancel right now, with no one getting hurt and no one’s plans getting shot to shit…

There’s a 60/40 chance I’d take it.

I have serious issues with commitment…even ones involving hottie roommates…

Peace, Love, & Sweaty Sheets,

PK

All the poets are just kids who didn't make it...and never had it at all...

2006-07-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

My first ~~masterpiece~~ ~~piece of crap~~ opus...

Here is a brief synopsis of my first script that a few folks needed. So I figured I'd share... I completely don't blame you if you don't give a crap.

The First Quarter

Cameron Williams and his roommates are four twenty-somethings a few years removed from college, a few miles removed from the beach, and an indeterminate amount of time from adulthood. We meet them just as their life’s ambitions (or lack thereof) threaten to pull them apart and breakup their three year stay in never-never land.

J.D. is rapidly being promoted and is confident he’s as capable as anyone in his company. The only thing separating him from running the joint is time. Adler is fine with a hard day’s work, but refuses to do it for “the man”. A modest family-run business would do him fine. Miller is content tending the bar at a beachfront restaurant, marking the time by the tides. Cameron however, is completely lost. Doing what he was supposed to do all his life; he know longer knows what he’s supposed to do. That’s when he meets Charley, a free-spirited dreamer who knew what she wanted from life shortly after taking her first steps. Helping Cameron revive his passion proves difficult, convincing him to pursue it may well be impossible.

Different from their adolescent pasts, the decisions they make now will begin to define them as the adults they will become. But against the backdrop of love, loss, success, corporate brainwash, larger-than-life parents, and a fear or desire to become them, that definition can be hard to see. They find that the challenge of discovering in them the adult they’d imagined, is dwarfed only by the challenge of finding happiness afterward. In short, it is the end of the first quarter of their lives… No wonder they call it a crisis.

PK

California show your teeth. She's my priestess, I'm her priest...

2006-07-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

Rolling blackouts, sweaty friends, and the ol’ 9 to 5. Such has been PK’s life for the past few days…

Ironically enough, there hasn’t been a rolling blackout at my job --- the only place I’d like to see one --- such is life, I suppose. Don’t worry I’m not back up to my lazy blogging ways, I’ve just been trying to keep cool and conserve energy as best I can. We live near the coast (well I moved downtown, so technically it’s the bay) but either way we usually get a great breeze and it gets nice and cool at night. As a result, A LOT of older apartments and houses (like the apartment Miller & his girlfriend live in or our old house where AD still lives) don’t have AC. I know it sounds like a weird thing, especially in southern California of all places…but it’s very true…especially in San Diego and the OC. The Pacific was your air conditioner.

Well…she’s broken down…

Miller & his chickie caught a great deal on their apartment. It was a nice little complex with only 10 units and a cool landlord who paid the electric. All they pay is rent and cable. And when they signed the lease almost a year ago on a nice cool San Diego evening, they thought nothing of the “no air conditioners” clause.

Yeah…that came back to bite them a little bit.

And ya can’t blame the landlord…I mean he’s been nice enough to pick up the tab for everyone’s electric for the last year. But paying the power for 10 apartments is one thing. Paying the power for 10 apartments cranking the AC 20 hours a day during a heat wave is a vastly different thing.

So Miller, AD, and Les have been practically living over at my place. It’s been a pretty fun reunion actually. We’ve just been swimming, catching movies, drinking, talkin shit, and playing College Football 2007 on playstation…and intermittently stopping to flip to CNN to cringe at the collusion of the Iraq War, global warming, the Israeli/Lebanon War, North Korea just firing shit into the Sea of Japan, and Iran continuously angling for nuclear weapons.

But I’m sure that behind our ~~inept~~ ~~crooked~~ ~~unelected~~ capable leadership we’ll be fine…

Peace, Love, & I’m Going To Buy A Fuckin Hybrid,

PK

Me, Bacardi, & A Vision

2006-07-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

So ummmmmmm...hey. I'm not sure where to start. I still live by myself (for the next 10 days or so). Wedding girl is moving to California. Where in California? Oh, well that's a good question. She's moving to San Diego, actually. Where will she stay in California? Ummmm...another good question. She's actually gonna stay with me for a little while -- while she's looking for a place.

I'm a nice guy like that. Also, she gives the best head I've ever gotten in my life. But I swear.....one has nothing to do with the other. More on that later.

-----------------------------

I'm drunk... I figured it warrants mentioning. They'll be a much more coherent "where the hell have you been" post tomorrow or Saturday...but for right now this will have to do.

-----------------------------

Have you ever seen a picture in your head that you thought might be the future? Or maybe "felt" is a more appropriate word. I know that sounds crazy...but let me explain. Let's say for example you live in Florida and work for AT&T. But you really love to play poker. And you're good at it. So you envision yourself moving to Vegas to pursue your dream. It's a clear and vivid premonition. You think it has a good chance of coming true......only you don't know when. But everytime you see it...you see yourself leaving AT&T to go to Vegas. You can see the little going away party that they have for you...the cake....I mean you can see it clear as day. Maybe it's a daydream. Maybe it's wishful thinking. But you can see it...and the one or two other times in your life that you've envisioned something like this......it came true. It doesn't happen to you often. But it's definitely happened. So here's the catch...

A company in Florida offers you more money and a better opportunity in Florida. You're not ready to make the big move to Vegas anyway... So this is great right? You're ready to jump ship and make more money in your few remaining days/months/years in florida. But there's one thing stopping you....

Your vision.

When you move to Vegas, you ALWAYS see yourself leaving from AT&T. This new job offer is better in everyway.......except.......it screws up the vision.

It's not suppose to happen like that. Does it mean anything? Will you be veering off of the right path in order to cash in on a short term windfall. Is destiny, along with your vision a bunch of bullshit? How much can you really trust it? But of course, more on that later.

-------------------------------

I actually got my screenplay into the hands of a manager. Did it sell and make me a million bucks?.......nope.

Did it suck and get me kicked out of his office?.......nope. Can it get me a job?.......maybe. But it's still only my first one. I need to write more. I have been writing more. Is it a good start?.........yup. Has it kept the vision alive?.......yup. Does this post make any sense at all?.........doubt it.

-------------------------------

This may sound corny or gay or unbelievable... but I've missed you 3.75 readers. When I went on hiatus from writing, I wasn't reading blogs either. I just stepped away completely. But now as I tear through your archives (starting with meems & CB) I remembered how cool you fuckin guys were. Anyway...

Peace, Love, & It's Good To Be Back,

PK

Those boom times went bust. My feet of clay they dried to dust. And the red isn't the red we painted, it's....... just.......rust.

2006-03-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

You Be:
Confident -- even talk some shit when appropriate. I like it. Know what you want…and then come here and get it....or....take it.

Playful -- I know it sounds cliché, but life really is what you make it. SO many problems originate from within our very own heads. If we can make it anything, let’s make it fun…and clothing optional.

Caring -- I’m a dickhead. You’ve gotta be nicer than me.

I’ll be:
Fun -- My friends and I don’t always find good times. We make them. I’ll do the same with you…and again, clothes are optional in the fun

A Chameleon -- You can bring me to mom and I’ll fit in. Bring me to your friends…and they’ll love me. Bring me to your job…and your boss will insist I leave with an application.

Strong -- I’m 6’1 220lbs. I’m not huge, but am not small by any measure. Sometimes I’ll be the strong silent type. Silent mostly because often I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. Please don’t tell anyone.

Oh and I’m not really looking for a girlfriend right now…

Peace, Love, And No Brokeback,

PK

I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive...

2006-03-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

I knew CB would catch that shit. If he wasn't a white guy from Canada and I wasn't a black guy from New Jersey, I'd swear we were brothers.

Wait...what's that sayin about him? What's that sayin about me?

Whatever...

I'm drunk...just figured it deserved mentioning...

And while we're on the subject, his most recent post about his on again/off again...is exactly what's goin on with the wedding chick. She won't make it... It's just a matter of how long she holds on to me...or how long I let her...I suppose.

You ever get the feeling that something big is gonna happen? Only you can't get a bead on whether it's impending elation like you've never known before....

Or doom...

Maybe it's just me. I think March will be a good month for me and my 3.75 readers. I'm sure Mimi is high on Oxy right now going, "yeah fucking right". You'll see though. I'm usually right about these things...

I'll catch ya in a couple of weeks...

Just kidding...

Probably...

Peace, Love, And A Good Merlot,

PK

I'm hopelessly hopeful and your just hopeless enough...

2006-02-20T15:53:00.000-08:00

Lulu - yes I'm shamelessly stealing your method of naming every blog post after lyrics from songs. I'm not ashamed of this. Also, I love your breasts........still not ashamed.

* I would write more but I work in IT. I spend a good portion of an 8 hour day in front of a monitor. I go home and do work for my small business and rack up another few monitor hours. Eventually that shit starts to wear on you. I'll be blind by the time I'm 35. Either that or I'll try to click and drag someone in real life...

* I live by myself now. I still see my friends all the time, but this is still a little different. You really get to know yourself a little better when you see how you act/feel/have urges to do -- when no one is around (get your minds out of the gutter). Sometimes I feel like I'm not sure how well I know me. Maybe I spent too much of my life living for other people. Maybe I'm overreacting...

* I won money on the Rookie/Sophmore game over all star weekend. Yes...I bet on the all-star game. No, i do not have a gambling problem...............because I won.

*More coming later (and no I don't mean "later" as in another 2.5 weeks. Smartasses!! I know you were thinkin it...)

Peace, Love, and Carpal Tunnel,

PK

I left my conscience pressed between the pages of a bible in a drawer...

2006-01-31T16:27:00.000-08:00

First things first I suppose...

I broke up the band.

In May of 2000 I walked across a stage...then walked across Europe. Ok, not all of Europe...and there were planes and trains prominently involved...but you get the drift. After that summer ended I walked into my very own apartment and stayed there for...

5 months.

After which I rounded up a couple of the guys and got a nice 3 Bedroom apartment with 2 balconies and a fireplace....

In a gated community...

On a Lake...

Yeah....it was nice.

And so the band was born. Since then I've gone from 3 guys in 3 bedrooms, to 2 guys in 2 bedrooms, 4 guys in 2 bedrooms (times were rough when we first got to cali) to 4 guys in a 4 bedroom house. Overall, every situation was a great time filled with fun, fornication (no brokeback), and alcohol. Sadly, my liver began to dwindle while my maturity began to grow.

There was an odd silence when I told them all I was leaving. Obviously at 26 years old this isn't an abnormal thing to do...it was just unforeseen. Of course it hasn't hurt any friendships...it's just changed them a bit. I hate growing up. There so much that I can't help but associate with getting older. It motivates me. It's involuntary. Toys 'R' Us was onto something back in the day.

------------------------

I test drove an Eddie Bauer Explorer. I liked it. I bought it...

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I saw Myra (the chickie from the wedding) again over the 2 weeks of Christmas vacation. She's spending a week with me in California and in Vegas in about 3 weeks, and then she's moving to California in August for a job. Obviously they'll be more written about this...

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Work has been busy as fuck. I got a subordinate. I like him (no brokeback) and we work well together (see prior parentheses). Although he fucked up this morning...badly....and I had to get out of bed because of it. I'm over it though. I'm still at work now (forgive me for how convoluted this post sounds).

-----------------------

My cousin and I have started a small business. I leave one job and go home...but really I'm just going to another job. I think we may be working for ourselves in a year. I'm so excited I could piss myself just thinking about that. I'll tell ya all about it later on...and I'll probably post a few pictures of myself a little later too. Only because once I start telling you crazy kids about the job....I might as well reveal myself...(it will make sense later...i promise).

Peace, Love, And Put Your Money On The Steelers,

P to the muthafuckin K

Long...but not lost...

2006-01-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not dead. It's funny how casually some people will ask you that. Not that I could blame them. I promise that I will write a true post today or tomorrow...things have just been hectic. A brief recap...

--2 weeks in ATL for Christmas (lots O fun)

Came back to Cali for New Years and since then:

--New Truck
--New Chickie (sort of)
--Promotion
--Second Job (sort of)
--Moved into my own place (yup i broke up the band)

Explanations for all of these things in a little bit.

Peace, Love, and a New Year

PK

The Wedding (con't)

2005-11-23T09:57:00.000-08:00

So last Thursday I'm flying out of San Diego at 6:30am. (Yeah, I know it's a god awful time to fly, but I got a great deal). Of course I'm draggin ass but I get there with enough time to check in and make the flight. Well, it was enough time until the lady looked at me and said, "you've been selected for random screening. please step over there."

Sweet...

Thanks...

They take forever going through my crap and waving an electronic wand around my armpits and groin and I miss my flight.

Sweet...

Thanks...

I go back to the counter to rearrange my flight. It turns out that there is another flight that leaves an hour later for Phoenix (my flight plans were SD to PHX to Raliegh Durham). It was full, but since the airport was backed up and ~~fucking a lot of people out of there flights~~ doing a lot of "random screening" I could get put on the standby list and probably make it. I was skeptical, but what real choice did I have? Plus it was looking like my connector from Phoenix to Raleigh was running late. So if I could get to Phoenix on standby there was a good chance I could be back on track. "OK, let's do it".

I'm sitting at the gate and everyone who wasn't a retard like yours truly began boarding their flight. After what seemed like an eternity, a voice comes over the intercom.

Airport Guy: OK, we will now begin boarding standby passengers. If I call your last name, please come to the counter and get your boarding pass.

Me: (to myself) Well...here we go

AG: Garcia. Simmons. Russell, party of 2

Me: (to myself) Party of 2!!?? Yup, I'm fucked

AG: Williams. Thompson.

Me: (to myself) I hate this piece of shit airport. And what a fuckin asshole this guy is

AG: And finally...PK

Me: Oh hell yeah!! (to airport guy) Thanks a lot man. You guys are doing a great job here. Seriously....a really great job!!

**********

Now I'm in Phoenix and I'm running through the airport to a gate that's across the terminal (of course). I'm praying that the original connector to RDU was in fact late and I had a shot at it. It turns out...

Not so much...

I head back over to passenger assistance to see if they can come up with another standby miracle like the one in San Diego. The lady at the assistance counter was very nice but, even her nice-ness couldn't soften the blow when she said EVERYTHING GOING TO NORTH CAROLINA WAS SOLD OUT....

Sweet then...

Thanks...

She put me on standby for every flight she could. I went to three gates hoping to hear my last name called like it was in SD. At the risk of sounding redundant...

Yeah, not so much...

So it's back to passenger assistance where Mrs. Nice told me that she could get me to Raleigh in the morning if I connected through....

PITTSBURGH

No, I'm not kidding. So it's off to Pennsylvania I go. I'm trying to stay positve. I mean in the grand scheme of things this isn't so bad right? I was supposed to get to North Carolina at 5pm on Thursday. By doing this Pittsburgh deal I'd be there by 10am on Friday. Yeah it sucked but it wasn't the end of the world and the wedding wasn't until Saturday anyway. I'd still be there in plenty of time to hang out with the guys before the wedding and I had a few days afterwards as well. No biggie.

**********

I shivered when the captain said we'd made it to pittsburgh and the local temperature was 28 degrees. It was around 10pm and I needed a hotel until about 7am and then I was off for my 8:30 flight to Carolina. Oddly enough, the first FIVE hotels I called were booked solid...

[Interlude]
Did I ever tell you kids that I was an english major in school? My mother's been a teacher for over 26 years. I didn't want to go into it cause it pays pretty crappy. I still love to write...but that's all I do with my degree.
[/Interlude].

So I'm sitting there for a second trying to figure out why all of the hotels in fuckin PITTSBURGH are sold out on a fuckin THURSDAY during the week BEFORE THANKSGIVING. A guy named Brian whom I'd sat next to on the flight walked by me on his way to baggage claim. We'd talked for a minute, so I figured I'd see if he knew anything.

Me: Hey Brian.

Brian: Hey PK, you going to find your luggage.

Me: Yeah in a sec. Just checkin on a hotel first. Hey are you from here?

Brian: Nope just in town for a conference.

Me: Oh that's cool. Hey is it a big conference? Because it seems like all of the hotels are filled.

Brian: Yeah. It's something like 10,000 people, if I'm not mistaken.

Me: Wow! What's it for?

Brian: It's a nationwide conference for English Teachers....

No, I'm not kidding.

**********

I've checked into some run down hotel about 15 miles away from the airport because it's one of few places that have a vacancy. It's old but it's clean and the bed was surprisingly comfortable. I eat at some diner across the street from the hotel, go back to my room, set the alarm clock so that I have PLENTY of time to catch the flight this time, and then I lay down. It's midnight but of course my body still thinks it's only 9pm so I just lay there. 1am rolls around and I just lay there. 1:30 rolls around...and I just lay there. Finally, I fall asleep.

I wake up not feeling too horrible considering the crappy food and jetlag I endured the day before. I actually feel pretty refreshed...

And then I notice a couple of things.

1.) It's pretty bright outside
2.) I don't remember the alarm going off.

I roll over and sure enough the alarm never went off. It was 7:50am----my flight was at 8:30am----and I was 15 miles from the airport. In short, I was FUCKED.

AGAIN.

**********

I get to the airport and my flight was already gone. I go back to passenger assistance. At this point I was a broken man...this had gone from angering and aggravating to funny. I called a rental car company and booked a car to drive from Pennsylvania to North Carolina...just in case everything was sold out again. The guy at passenger assistance in Pittsburgh was just as nice as the lady in San Diego...although he began to make the same faces. I was already prepared for the worst. And then suddenly his face lit up

Nice Guy: Oh hey I've got something. Hold on, let me check if it's full...

Me: (I don't even look up at him. I just knew it would be full)

NG: Nope it's not full. I'll get you confirmed. You'll be there only 3 hours later than you would've if you'd made your flight this morning.

Me: YOU'RE KIDDING!!??

NG: No, I'm not kidding.

[Interlude]
Despite all of the alterations to my flight plan, America West (who is now partnered with US Airlines...I just learned) never charged me a dime. I mean the security crap that made me late to begin the entire ordeal wasn't their fault...that was San Diego Airport Security. It wasn't like they owed me anything. But they were all nice and did what they could and didn't make me pay a thing. They've made a customer out of me.
[/Interlude]

So I'm elated. I take my ticket from Mr. Nice guy and head over to my gate. I'm finally gonna make it to North Carolina! On my way there...

They pulled me out of line for random screening....

No, I'm not kidding.

Luckily I still made the flight...

Peace, Love, & Happy Travels,

PK

Here comes the kid...

2005-11-22T16:27:00.000-08:00

I'm back from the wedding. Everything went pretty well (once I actually arrived that is). Reunited with the guys I ran with in college and that was great. We all like the bride, and that's important. My date went well...

[Short Version]
Yes, we had a great time.
Yes, she still looks great (even better actually).
No, it wasn't awkward.
No, I didn't bang her.
Yes, she's coming to the west coast to visit pretty soon.
Yes, if she lived here I'd date her.
Yes, she would like to live in California
No, I never got a chance to catch up with the X.
[/Short Version]

Details shortly and perhaps a funny story or two. Right now, I'm the most jet-lagged bastard you ever saw.

Peace, Love, & Pacific Standard Time,

PK

I’m not feeling very witty…

2005-11-10T11:05:00.000-08:00

Ok…so I’m back. Sorry about the whole MIA thing. I’ve been working my ass off, ~~pillaging my parents house for anything they’ll part with~~ helping my parents pack (they’re outta here a couple of days after Thanksgiving…it’s gonna suck not having them around), and booking flights, hotels, and rental cars for a wedding I’ve gotta go to back in North Carolina (One of my bestest friends from college is getting hitched)…

Now for all of you who have been reading lately…let me go ahead and clear this up before you ask.

Yes, I’m going back to North Carolina
Yes, I’m gonna see the Ex…(we’re getting together for lunch one day)
No, we haven’t been talking much at all…I think we may have finally fell into an actual pseudo-friendship
Yes, I’m bringing a date to the wedding.
No, it will not be her...(she won’t be there at all)

Hey, I went to college in North Carolina…and in case you forgot…I was a PIMP. =)

So who the hell am I bringing? Settle in for a quick college story (also, for some reason I suck at thinking up different names for people in this blog. I can never seem to think of a name that truly fits them…so fuck it…I’m using her real name. I highly doubt she’ll ever find this and I don’t have anything bad to say about her anyway).

So I’m a part of this minority organization in college. They called it the Neo-Black Society. Since there are few minorities on campus (relatively that is) someone thought it would be a good idea for them to stay in touch with one another, have events, study their history…yada, yada, yada...

I was there for the women.

So school is starting again my junior year and I’m at the sign up table talking to transfers and freshman about what the club does and why they should join. And up she walks….gorgeous. Her name was Myra. Hot, sweet, innocent looking…I could feel the horns growing out the sides of my head. We talk for a little while, swap numbers, talk on the phone a bit…she comes by the dorm once or twice and things are going well. Definite mutual attraction. One of the things I really LOVED about this girl is that she was great at calling me on my bullshit. I was only 19 my junior year in college and I had plenty of bullshit to call.

By the way ladies, guys LOVE that. When a girl can look me right in the eye and say “you are so full of shit”, I dig it. It’s sexy. Any guy who tells you different is lying or a real chump. No guy wants a girl who’ll believe any ol bullshit that comes out of his mouth. I’m sure this is common knowledge by now…but I figured I’d share anyway.

So things are going well in the beginning and that’s when she drops the bomb on me… She’s a virgin. Oh… So naturally I…

Drop her like a sack of potatoes.

I continually scale back how much time we spend together and I basically put myself into the “friend zone”. For 90% of my college career I was a giant asshole, but at least I KNEW I was an asshole and so I steered clear of girls like Myra. I knew neither of us wanted her to loose her virginity to a 19 year-old PK. So I made sure she didn’t. She ended up dating this guy on campus who I thought was a dork…but would treat her well. And he did for the most part. It ended a little ugly…but hey…most things end badly…or else they wouldn’t end. She was with the dork for 2 years and lost it to him. When they broke up I was 8 months into my 2 year relationship with Kris (the ex…for any new readers out there). So we kept in touch and remained friends…always attracted…never a good time.

I’ll be back with more in a few hours…people actually want me to work today. Can you believe that shit??!!??

Peace, Love, & Wedding Bells (so long as they’re not tolling for me)

PK

And the winner is...

2005-10-28T16:08:00.000-07:00

OK...so this weekend I'm off to pick up some Polo Sport, D&G, Good Life, and several random bottles of testers. I thank you kids for all of your help.

Also, I think I'll keep equal parts boxer & boxer breifs in the stash...because I'm a versatile ladies man like that.

[Begin Sports Talk]

Things I love and things I like:

I love (college) -- Northwestern (+3) & Penn State (-15)

I like (college) -- Bama (-34) & Clemson (+3)

---

I love (NFL) -- New England (-8.5) / Denver (-3.5) / Cleveland (+2) -- the Cleveland game begs the question, "How the FUCK does a team that is 0-5 GIVE points to another team??? That's pretty interesting...

I like (NFL) -- San Fran (+11) / Washington (+2) -- I completely agree with you CB...but those divisional rivalries always freak me out.

---

[End Sports Talk]

I don't feel like dressing up like a damn thing. Does this mean I'm getting old? Come Halloween, I'll probably be gambling, having a beer and a couple of appetizers, and watching Monday Night Football, like any other Monday. No good house-parties this year to get dressed up and go to (dontcha love it when halloween falls on a fuckin Monday) and I don't feel like going downtown and being engulfed by the mob of people. So I think I'll be sayin, "fuck it" this year.

Speaking of getting old... I felt old AGAIN the other day, when my sister (5yrs younger) told me about her New Years Eve plans and they were actually BETTER than mine...(she just turned 21 by the way)

Well... "better" is a tentative word since I have no idea what I'm doing for New Years yet...but as it stands currently...her shit is BETTER. We're both flying from Cali to Atlanta (remember the folks moved there...) for christmas---and then she's taking off a couple of days after to go snowboarding and skiing with her rich ass friends at their house on Lake Tahoe.

Seriously...?

Not to be outdone, I've gotta think of some cool shit to do this New Years. I still haven't done Vegas...but I'm pretty sure that even now is too late to book that shit. So help me out kids...I'm open to suggestions...

Peace, Love, & Naughty Nurse Costumes...(aww fuck it...maybe I will go downtown),

PK

The Discovery Channel

2005-10-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

I've discovered a few things about myself over these past few days...

Just tonight I discovered that when I get back home from the gym....no matter how badly I feel like posting.....shower first.

-------

Early in life, like most men (hopefully) I transitioned from tighty whiteys to boxer shorts. Boxer shorts have been fine for me ever since...even now some years later. Ya know how with some things in life...you just don't fix it if it ain't broke? Well that's how I was with boxer shorts.

My roommate swears by boxer briefs. And if you can believe it, at 26 years of age I'd never tried a pair (Hey...if it ain't broke). So the other day I'm bullshittin around in the mall waiting for a friend to arrive and a movie to start...and I buy some boxer briefs.

These things are the shit...I've discovered. Not sure which ones I like the most though...

LADIES: Which ones do you prefer to look at us in?

-------

I entered a screenwriting competition to win a fellowship. Once I sat down to write my entry it finally occurred to me that the reason I drink when I write is not for inspiration...rather, it's to put aside the fear of being a COMPLETE FAILURE.

An interesting discovery I'd say. The first round only requires a 5 page short. Should I make it past the first round...I'll post my short here. If I don't, you'll probably never hear me speak of it again.

-------

I (re)discovered how much I like this Maroon 5 album. A good album most would say...so why do I feel gay listening to it...........

I'm cutting it off.

-------

I've discovered that "Making the Band 3" and "Run's House" may be one of the best hours of television available......I'm not kidding about this.

I've also discovered that I've missed quite a few episodes of Laguna Beach (The Real Orange County) and I kinda want to catch up......Still not kidding.

-------

Just discovered that I'm running low on cologne. Please recommend your favorites (new hotness or classics) in the comments section

Discovered I've got nothing else to say...

Peace, Love & Boxer Briefs,

PK

[EDIT] I also realized that Captain Bee called 3 winners on his NFL ticket last Sunday (including the KC/Miami game that I fucked up). You are the man CB. I'll be posting my picks up here on Friday or Saturday (seriously this time =) [/EDIT]

Intervention anyone?

2005-10-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

The last time I was in vegas, I spent the majority of the time drunk as hell (naturally). But one of few (kinda) clear memories that I have is being somewhere in downtown Las Vegas...being up big (or down big) and waiting for a couple of my friends to pull themselves from the roulette wheel (or craps table?) long enough for me to get one of those 4am breakfast specials. While I'm waiting I come across this brochure sitting near the cashier's cages. It was titled something like "Gambling Addictions: When the fun becomes a problem". After I ~~laughed til I cried~~ read the cover, I opened it. It started with the top 5 symptoms of an addiction.

Apparently I have a problem. Because I couldn't get over how ridiculously stupid the first symptom was.

Symptom #1 - Chasing. Chasing is pretty much when you've lost all that you can afford, but you keep betting and keep believing that one big bet will make it all better and bring it all back.

I looked drunkenly at the brochure and thought, "If I stop chasing...how the fuck am I supposed to get my money back??!!" My parents didn't raise a damn quitter!

I think I'm the poster child for that brochure. But fuck them, I'm up for the season.

So hurricane Wilma has forced the Miami Dolphins (-1) to play the Kansas City Chiefs today instead of Sunday. Both of these teams have been up and down all season. It will probably be raining and messy. And the line will probably disappear to a "pick". If someone was writing a book on how to be a smart gambler there would be a chapter dedicated to this game entitled "Shit You Should Never Touch".

So naturally I took Miami at -1.

*shrugging* What??!! I mean it's an NFL game on a Friday Night!!! How could you not bet on it??

-------------

I'll be back later with some college WINNERS for tomorrow. Also, if you didn't hear me say it before....that whole "it never rains in southern california" stuff.....

Load of Shit...

I'll be chillin this weekend...and by chillin I mean 80% chance I won't be leaving the house. Feel free to recommend some good Blockbuster movies in the comments section.

Peace, Love, & The Dolphins,

PK

Random Thoughts With The Kid

2005-10-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

* I'm gonna get back to posting my bets up here. I did better when I did that. I always make sure to post my predictions before the game...so you folks can know how MUTHAFUCKIN NICE I am. Although....

* Last Satuday I took a BATH. Went 1-3 on the college games...and it hurt (bad). I was able to get some of it back on the Seattle/Houston Sunday night game (again...anyone who didn't see that blowout coming should stop gambling). I also got a little back on the Monday Night game. But that was SHEER LUCK. If Bulger didn't get knocked out of the game...I would've lost AGAIN.

* I can't fuckin believe how Pujols CRUSHED that 3-Run shot. It still gives me chills. I don't think Houston will rebound from this...although I've been wrong before (see last saturday's BATH). I may throw a little money on the game...just to make it interesting when I watch it. If I don't, I really won't care either way.

* Tell me if I'm the only one who did this---- Back on the East Coast when late October came around and it started to get cold again...... I'd start dating someone exclusively. I did this almost every year...even through college. Ya see everyone is out trying to get their mack on in the summer...but after that...on the east coast it gets COLD. So forget all that trying to juggle two or three girls stuff...all that shit meant was I had to go outside more often...and it was cold. I couldn't have been the only one with this rationale...hell that's why there are so many spring babies. Hook up during the summer...settle in with one chick while it gets cold. Get lucky by the fireplace...bouncing baby boy in the spring... Nah...couldn't have been just me

* Some cool things are going on with the kid...but they are just starting and I don't wanna jinx that shit...so I'll tell ya more about it later. (not it's not a girl)

* So I threw up a myspace.com profile (whuddya want from me?? I was bored, and it seemed like I was the only one without one). Since then it seems like EVERYONE, I've ever met has found me on that thing. It's crazy. Some of those people I did want to catch up with...the rest...yeah, not so much. It's funny though. That thing is like a giant online high school. Definitely funny...definitely sad too. Ahh well...

* Maybe I'll use myspace to find a girl to kick it with for the winter months in San Diego.......WHAT?!?..........It gets cold at NIGHT....AND I've got a fireplace....HA HA HA

Peace, Love, & Some Steady Sex (cause really that's all this is about),

P to the K

Play Ball!!!

2005-10-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

So on Saturday night, after a fairly successful day of gambling on college football we're looking for a place to go and watch the Padres get swept by the Cardinals. (I'll get into why the gambling was only "fairly" successful later). Miller calls his chickie to see what she's up to, if she's out with any friends, etc. etc.

Turns out she's down in Ocean Beach with a few friends drinking at a bar that's showing the game.

Chicks---check
Drinks---check
Chicks who've had a head start on the drinking---check
Baseball Game---check

So Miller (my roomie), Paul and I head down there. Paul lives near the place were headed so he drives his car. Miller & I follow. In the car we have the following conversation...

Me: So what chicks are down there drinkin with your chickie? (Miller's chickie = Layla)

Miller: I know she's with Taryn. I don't know who else though.

Me: Taryn? I've never met this chick right? Her name sounds familiar though...

Mill: You've probably heard Layla talk about her. That's her brother's wife...well...soon to be ex-wife.

Me: Ouch. Hope the other chicks are hot.

So we get to Ocean Beach and the fun begins. I hug Layla, and shake a plethora of girls hands. Taryn, Melissa, Lizzy, and a couple I can't remember. The Padres proceed to get pounded and so do the drinks. Taryn and Layla are talking to Miller and I about a guy that Taryn met a week before.

Taryn: He seemed pretty nice. He's divorced and has a 3 year-old just like me. So we had a lot in common. But...

Me: But what?

Taryn: Well I gave him my number and he's been calling me NON-STOP

Me & Miller: Ugh...

Taryn: I mean it started like THE DAY after we met. I told him he could swing down here if he wanted

Miller: Well why the fuck did you do that??

Taryn: Because he IS nice. And he keeps calling. And I figured maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we had a few people around, ya know? Maybe take the pressure off....

Me: (gettin pretty liquored up by this point). Yeah... good luck with that...

So divorced guy shows up and he's like a statue. He's quiet. He's drinking slowly and has vastly under developed social skills. Conversely, I'm drunk and have become THE LIFE of this little soiree. Correction, everyone's drunk...well...except the statue.

Taryn and Layla hop up and tell us they'll be right back. They walk over to the ladies room.

Like 10 minutes go by...

When they return, Taryn hops back in her seat, while Layla inexplicably slides between me and Miller. She's liquored up so I'm assuming it's time for the requisite PDA. Only she turns and starts whispering in my ear...

Layla: Taryn's had it with this guy. She wants to ditch him.

Me: Seriously? Wait, why are you telling me this and not Miller?

Layla: I'm gonna tell him in a sec...

Me: (confused) But....

Layla: Oh and Taryn wants you.

Me: (extremely confused) Wha...

Layla: Didn't Miller tell you she loves black guys?

Me: Isn't she married to your brother?

Layla: They've been done for a long time now...they just haven't signed the paperwork.

Me: But...

Layla: My brother was an ass who treated her like shit. Taryn didn't deserve it and she's leaving. I love and support her... plus she LIIIIIIIIIKES you. I knew if I just got you down here you're personality would take care of the rest.

(Miller leans over and smiles at me)

Me: You were planning this before the baseball game even started, weren't you?

Layla: I was planning this before the FOOTBALL games started...

Me: (blank drunken look)

Layla: (satisfied drunken smile) She LIIIIIIIIKES you!

I feel bad about how we ditched that guy...so I just don't think about it. Instead I prefer to think about Taryn in her panties borrowing a T-shirt. I love girls in my clothes...

I see why Miller likes Layla... Hell, I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIke her too.

Peace, Love, & A Borrowed T-Shirt,

PK

Mostly it’s for the rush, but the money is good too.

2005-10-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

Teased Carolina down six points, so they only had to win by a point and a half. Teased the over/under down six points so they only had to score over 37 points combined. Put it together and what do ya have?

W-I-N-N-E-R

The baseball playoffs start today.

Do I follow baseball? ---- Casually
Should you bet on a sport you only follow casually? ---- Definitely not
PK, are you gonna bet on baseball today? ---- YOU BET YOUR ASS

What the hell else am I gonna do until the weekend comes and I can bet on football again. Besides, I REALLY think the Yankees are gonna drop the opening game of the series in Anaheim… The run-line odds look good, so I’m jumpin on ‘em. Plus last weekend’s gambling was RIDICULOUSLY good…so I’m playin with house money anyway.

To Moosh:
sorry mooshy...I feel your pain. Losing both Pennington and Fiedler (sp?) was a rough one. This season is probably over for the Jets. They'll have some rebuilding to do, but they've already got some good young talent (that's sounds like a porno reference doesn't it) so it won't take too long. If I remember, I'll shoot you some pool picks for this Sunday if ya want. Maybe you'll do better if we work together. If you win a bunch of money I'll only require 10% or a sexual favor of equal or greater value...

To CB:
I’m not in any football pools. I look at all of the games on Sunday and their odds. I pick 3-4 games I like and then go throwing money around on ‘em. I do the same thing on Saturday with college. So let me know of the games you like the most---the ones you are/would be gambling on and we’ll see how we do.

To Everyone:
Why am I answering comments in my post? Because I’m retarded. I’m at work and I’m waiting for some diagnostics to finish running on this engineer guy’s computer. I was messin around with it and lost track of time and didn’t get a chance to put a bet in against the padres (yes I live in san diego, but that doesn’t change the fact that they suck and I’m tryin to win money). So I’m annoyed because they are now down 4-0. So I figured I might alleviate some of that annoyance by saying what’s up to all 3.75 readers of mine and addressing the comments publicly…

So there ya have it… Oh yeah…I also need you crazy kid’s opinions…

I came to California with a few thousand dollars, my best friends, and a dream (the dream was only of hot bikini-clad chicks---but fuck you it’s my dream and it was important to me at the time). As I was partying away without looking for a job and depleting my funds I began to notice something.

Living in California is expensive!!

So I slowed down, trimmed down the lifestyle, got a job, and cut out some things and began my attempt to be responsible. My gas guzzling SUV was killing my budget. The job I had when I’d first moved here was only temporary and I thought about how much money I could save without that thing… So I sold it. And bought a car.

I’ve been miserable ever since…

I HATE driving cars. I will only drive SUV’s until I die (not including the off chance I hit it big somehow and can then buy a Porsche or something to go WITH my SUV) So this Christmas I’m selling the thing, and treating myself to another SUV. I REALLY want a Navigator…but the gas would be AWFUL and I don’t need anything that big for any particular reason. So I think I’ll bring it down to a Tahoe or maybe an Explorer or Expedition. Whuddya think folks? What SUV’s do ya like?

Peace & Love

PK

[Edit] I'm all over the Angels at -1.5 and I also like the Over in the Red Sox game (over 9 runs scored in total). Be careful out there kids...[/Edit]

It's all understood...even when you don't understand...

2005-10-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

To the Captain - I feel your pain buddy. Minnesota is REALLY BAD. I expect Tice to be fired this week.

I lost on an over this weekend too. I thought Cincy and Houston could combine for 42 fuckin points!! I mean Houston is coming off a bye week (to the football illiterate--this means that they had 2 weeks to prepare for one game) and Carson Palmer and the Bengals are supposed to be "coming around"---starting the season 3-0.

Surely these jackasses can muster 20 points each right? Hell Buffalo mangaged to score 22 on them and their offense sucks... But as it turns out...

Not so much...

Despite that nonsense, there was still PLENTY of money to be made. Namely the Indy -7 in Tennessee game. Anyone who couldn't see that blowout coming needs glasses...thick ones! So I made a nice chunk of change there. Cincy still pissed me off though.

College football went beautifully, amazingly, orgasmically well...with the kid going 4-0 on the day. (CB, let me know if you gamble on college, I'll shoot you some picks).

---------

So back to real (boring) life. Not much went on this weekend. It was another friend's birthday so we did a little bar hopping and got him tore up...after we watched college football and drank beer all day...that is.

Ya know I'm going to have to really enjoy this time in my life. I imagine that when I get married my wife probably won't take too kindly to me being functionally inebriated and literally useless for every Saturday and Sunday of an entire football season. I mean I'm just guessing here but I think she'll actually want to do stuff...

Stuff that will require me to depart from in front of the TV....like fixing something or cleaning something or washing something or burping something or walking something or...discussing something...or

Well you see where I'm going with this...

I think that for a lot of guys getting into a serious committed relationship involves a lot of things....the most important of which is probably growing up a little. This is by no means the case for every guy...but for the ones I know...it applies a little. Is this one of the reasons why I'm adverse to a relationship right now?

Maybe...

But more than that, I think it's because I only know 2 females who have ever really understood me. 2 that have really "gotten" me... One I dated for years. The other has been my best friend since we were 7---we've never done more than kiss on the cheek...

When Saturdays and Sundays roll around...maybe I'm just looking for someone to sit next to me...

Maybe...

Peace & Love

PK

PS - For any gamblers out there - I don't like tonights game. The Packers will probably lose...but at a 7.5 point spread, it feels like a trap game. I'm teasing it (cause simply not betting on it OBVIOUSLY isn't an option). I'd advise anyone else to do the same... Good Luck

2005-10-02T20:52:00.000-07:00

Streaming PK

2005-09-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday...I'm just sittin here...wishin it was Wednesday.

I called the Tennessee game last night. Did you SEE that comeback? They were down 21-0!! And came all the way back to win...on the road...because they love me.

Well...maybe not that last part.

Fall is truly the greatest season for sports.

I was watching the Tennessee game and the Denver game at some sports bar near my house. I ended up meeting one of the assistant managers for some swanky little hang out downtown. We ended up having a few mutual friends and the night ended with me taking his business card & cell phone number (nh) for guest list access whenever I felt like swingin by. This cat even has access to the cabanas when they're not in use. It was a pretty damn good night... Did I mention Tennessee covered?

Lisa has completely lost her mind. I'm glad she lives in LA county, I won't be hangin out with her ever again.

On the other hand Rhonda is coming down from Hollywood this weekend. I love that girl to death. She's like my little sister. I plan to be inebriated for most of this weekend.

Roy Jones vs. Antonio Tarver Pt III - This Saturday night!!! Who do you think is gonna take it?

Fly with me, I can't quite make it alone...

2005-09-22T15:27:00.000-07:00

Air Force +7. I LOVE it...

Pals

2005-09-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our friend Ronnie’s birthday (she’s a girl). She’s also probably one of the most genuinely sweet people I’ve met since moving here. Which means anything she wants to do, we’ll end up doing…cause that’s pretty much how she is with us.

Ronnie loves chip-wiches…

So of course, we got fucked up and made her chip-wiches. Well…to clarify…we got fucked up watching Bowling Green pull down their pants and take a complete dump all over the football field…ruining our bets and angering me beyond any point I could ever imagine. Mostly cause they’re the biggest bunch of bitches to ever put on helmets!!

But I’m not upset about this…

So anyway…we were fucked up…so we actually baked cookies….let them cool….put ice cream in the middle and then rolled the edges in sprinkles (yup we went out and bought sprinkles…if you knew Ronnie you’d understand). Considering the circumstances…things came out pretty well.

Ronnie also loves dive bars…

So off we were to some hole in the wall bar ordering $2 beers and shooting pool with former truckers and butch lesbians….and then a whole bunch of young attractive people from Ronnie’s restaurant. Really the oddest mix of people you could ever find. It was a good time overall though.

Toward the end of the evening Miller was mentioning that his girlfriend was mad at him but he didn’t know why. This morning my head was killing me…but when I looked in my wallet I immediately felt better. The great thing about dive bars is how cheap they are…I’d almost forgotten that. I barely spent $20 all night.

See I told you Ronnie takes care of us…

All of the above led to the following conversations this morning over instant messenger:

AD: i'm in bad shape

Miller: i just got home

Miller: and I'm feeling some effects

PK: yeah...definitely

PK: although I only spent like $20

Miller: i only dropped 15 last night

PK: that's the only thing putting a smile on my face

AD: i think I spent 20

PK: so was girlfriend mad at u or what?

Miller: yeah...still heated this morning

Miller: don't know why

Miller: about to put her on time out though

AD: was she mad about the other chickie flirting with you?

Miller: she hasn't told me yet

Miller: apparantely i'm supposed to run the other direction if someone talks to me

AD: if my track record is any indication, it will get worse before it gets better.

AD: my track record is the worst though

Miller: i'm anticipating an argument

Miller: getting my case together now

PK: LOL....nice

AD: i was hoping there were lesbians there last night

Miller: i thought you saw some

AD: one...

AD: and what fun is one lesbian

Miller: why are you on the search for lesbians?

AD: i don't know...I like feminine lesbians

AD: i'm getting older and I feel like I've missed out on something

Miller: i dated a lesbian for three years...only thing i can't check off my list is a threesome

PK: she wasn't a lesbian when you were with her. she was only fuckin you at the time.... We found out she was a lesbian years later...

Miller: she was still a lesbian in her mind man!!

AD: threesomes are sweet

AD: amazing actually

Miller: maybe i'll be single soon and get a chance to get one

**Yup…these are my best friends**

Alright… I’m outta here. I’ve got soccer to bet on!!!

Peace, Love, & Fuck Bowling Green,

PK --- Really…I’m not upset though.

I'm a hustla baby. I just thought you should know...

2005-09-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

It got NICE and SLOW here at work today. Well there was stuff to be done...but said stuff did not need to be done today. So why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?? (have ya read the title of this baby lately?)

Anyway, i ended up hopping online and gambling....

On soccer...

What do ya want from me, it was the only sport going on at 11am pacific time...and I LOVE to gamble. Hell, I'd live in Vegas if the summers weren't so brutal.

Plus I won like $50... I understand that's not a hell of a lot of money...but you've also got to understand that I know NOTHING about soccer. My boss is a soccer finatic though...played in high school & college (i think even a little after college) and still follows it very closely.

So I asked him about a few teams, did some quick research on the internet, and compared the risk and rewards on the odds. Then I threw together a couple of parlays...and BAM.

Every fall I play with the idea of quitting my job and gambling for a living. I swear I could do it (I mean sports wagering....not like shooting craps for a living). How great would that shit be? Wake up, maybe work out a bit to get the blood flowing...and then just scouring newspapers, handicapper websites, and oddsmaker websites...all while espn stays on all day!! And then on big winning weekends, we get smashed and party it up downtown. I've got two words for you

DREAM LIFE.

But alas it currently remains a dream...

So tonight I'm into Bowling Green + The Over. Also went heavy on a straight up bet on just The Over (76 points).

No I don't have a problem...it's only a problem when you're losing

Oh and for those who care or are keeping score from home...if you here me say I "love" something...or went "heavy" on it... that means at least a bill went on it ($100).

And if you'd like to learn more about gambling or have any questions...feel free to email me...I love to shoot the shit about sports wagering. Damn I love this time of year.

Peace, Love, & A Hot Parlay,

PK

Turn nothin to somethin, now pimpin that's a savior...

2005-09-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

Quick update:

Twas a good weekend. A nice drive up the coast with lil sis. Caught up with some family, moved her into her little on campus apartment deal, and tried to catch football/organize fantasy team/gamble on the games whenever possible.

I liked Tampa Bay A LOT. They looked impressive when they beat Minnesota in Minnesota during week one. I couldn't figure out why they were only 3 point favorites in their home opener against Buffalo. Really Vegas was just giving money away with that one. But hey...I'm a big fan of givers.

I also had a feeling about that Indy game---I thought giving Jacksonville 9 points was a bit too much. So I took Tampa straight up...and then put in another parlay of tampa+jacksonville+under (in the indy game). Suffice it to say that PK had a GREAT weekend.

I like the under in the Dallas game tonight a lot. And maybe New Orleans....I don't think they'll win but I think they'll keep it close. I think they're still playing with some sentiment. Strahan is still banged up and Deuce is running strong.

Tonights plays:

1. The under in the Dallas game (got it at 35.5)

2. Dallas (-6.5) + N.O. (+3.5)

We'll see if i can keep things going...

Peace, Love, & Get That Dough,

PK

[EDIT] Went heavy on the Dallas under and called both the New Orleans and Dallas games wrong (ouch). Netted a few bucks...far less than I should've because Roy Williams doesn't understand his job as free safety. But alas, winning money is winning money...so until next sunday...[/EDIT]

Out to Lunch...

2005-09-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

It’s Friday.

I mentioned in a previous post that I’m spending this weekend with lil sis. Riding with her up to Santa Cruz---helping her move in---and then flying back to SD. Also, I’m not boning anyone at work (anymore). Plus…

It’s Friday.

So I threw on a pair of jeans, a slightly wrinkled grey T-shirt, a baseball cap, and I’ve got a five o’clock shadow working. Well, fast forward to lunch and I’m at subway picking up a sandwich for me and my boss. Some retard in front of me is ordering like 10 different sandwiches for seemingly every other retard he works with. I really don’t care though….I mean it’s a gorgeous (typical) San Diego afternoon, I’m glad to be out of the office, I’m playing brick breaker on my blackberry….Plus…

It’s Friday.

As I’m looking down at the blackberry screen I notice a pair of manicured toes step into my field of vision. I work my way up and see a nice lightly brown skinned young lady in a velour jumpsuit, holding a Louis Vuitton bag, with a ROCK on her hand. I smile and immediately return to brick breaker. That’s when the little man on my shoulder began to speak (that bastard is always getting me into trouble---honestly, I don’t even know why I hang with him).

Little Man: Hey genius. Why dontcha say something?

Me (inner voice): I know you are a little man…but I’m sure even you saw that ROCK on her hand. Also have you looked at me today? The shadow, the hat, the slightly wrinkled T-shirt?

Little Man: Well dick…did you notice WHICH hand that rock was on?

Me (looking over again): Oh….Shit.

The guy behind the counter at Subway was a champ. He was getting ‘em in and movin ‘em out. He was a bit short…but in my opinion it was because he was tryin to keep shit moving…and we were in dire need to do so because of the aforementioned retard.

As I realize that little man had a point and the diamond was on her RIGHT hand…something even stranger happens…she starts talking…

Girl: Did you think that guy was kinda mean?

Me: Huh? Um… Nah… I think he was just tryin to keep things moving.

Girl: Yeah… maybe.

At this point I’m writing her off as a girl who just wanted to know if she was overreacting to the guy behind the counter being a little short. I mean…the ring location proves she’s not married…but this girl just had an aura of class and hotness about her and I looked like……Well I looked like what I was…an unshaven IT guy.

A few seconds pass and she does something really bizarre… She starts talking to me again…

Girl: I don’t know though. He seemed a bit too short.

Me (inner monologue): I really can’t believe you are still talking. I mean a few chicks have said I look cute with the beard going…but you are HOT. And apparently well off…and I’m….well right now I’m confused.

Me: Ya think?

Girl: Yeah…I mean I didn’t tell him to come work at subway. If he’s unhappy he should leave…not be mean to customers.

Me: Yeah, you’ve got a point. I don’t think he meant to be malicious though.

Girl (smiles): You’re probably right.

Now time is running out. The retard is FINALLY about to be finished paying for his wheat field of bread…and I’m next. I could try to pick her up…but it was pretty quiet in that joint…and I wasn’t really in the mood to get dissed in front the growing number of subway patrons. My mind starts reeling off stupid questions…

What was up with the prolonged conversation?
And the smiles?
And why a diamond ring on the right hand?
But the conversation was about absolutely nothing at all wasn’t it?
I really could be just making too much of this, couldn’t I?

Cashier: Sir that will be $13.50

Me: Huh? Oh! Yeah, right.

I hand him the money and he hands me my change. I turn to the still smiling, classy looking hot girl.

Me: I’m sure the rest of the people in your day will be perfectly nice. Take it easy…

Okay, Okay!! So even Michael Jordan dribbled one off his foot before!! Leave me alone!! I’m getting outta here.

It’s fuckin Friday…

Peace, Love, And Even If You Didn’t Shave…Don’t Freeze Up Like A Little Biatch,

PK

Fun on a Thursday...

2005-09-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

Quick post from work...

1. Go to google

2. Type in the word "failure"

3. Instead of doing a typical search, hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button.

4. Enjoy

Peace & Love,

PK

You're not a victim. You're an idiot

2005-09-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

I tried and I tried. I swear that I did. But they’ve driven me to it. If I hear another right winger, or republican, or conservative, OR COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT, try to complain that the Governor of the United States (like George Carlin, I’m only calling him governor because it was the last office he was ELECTED to) is taking too much blame for the catastrophe in the Gulf region…I’m going to puke.

Let me establish a few things first.

-Kanye West’s comments were ill timed and not thought out. I’m not here to argue them.

-The local and state governments cannot be absolved from blame. That would be ridiculous.

-If you are one of the many naïve and sheltered people who keep asking yourself, “why didn’t they just leave”---how are you not realizing that:

A. Many of the people in the disaster region have lived through several hurricanes and made the mistake of thinking they could ride it out. A mistake to be sure…but one that shouldn’t precipitate being forsaken for 3 days by your federal government.

B. New Orleans was a poverty stricken area beforehand. Not everyone in these areas could just up and leave.

------------

The above established, how can Bush not command the majority of the blame here? On what planet can this be rationalized?

He demoted FEMA from a cabinet position. He cut it's budget...and placed it under the umbrella of Homeland Security (a scary thought when you see how we respond to Americans in crisis on a federal level...this is my "homeland security"?). Despite all of this FEMA, it seems, was still doing a good job....especially since it designated a major hurricane hitting New Orleans as one of the three "likeliest, most catastrophic disasters facing this country."

IN 2001!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me for a second...I'm trying to remember who our president was at that time.

So you'd think that maybe we should strengthen those levees a bit...maybe hookup those engineers with a few extra bucks to sure things up? Not Governor Bush...HE CUTS THAT MONEY

Jefferson Parish emergency management chiefs Walter Maestri comments: "It appears that the money has been moved in the president's budget to handle homeland security and the war in Iraq, and I suppose that's the price we pay."

That's odd. The war in Iraq is sucking up fiscal resources? Oh yeah...that's right we're over 80 billion. But hey you can't put a price on safety. It will all be worth it once we get those WMD's. Just out of curiosity though---I wonder how much it would've taken to get things done with that levee down in ol New Orleans...

"I needed $11 million this year, and I got $5.5 million," Naomi said. "I need $22.5 million next year to do everything that needs doing, and the first $4.5 million of that will go to pay four contractors who couldn't get paid this year."

WOW. I think the rebuilding numbers on the New Orleans area is in the billions isn't it? I mean even if you evacuated EVERYONE...that wouldn't have affected the rebuilding costs. Makes that 33.5 million they were asking for seem pretty small now doesn't it? Fuck me!! I'm still trying to remember who our ~~president~~ governor was at the time.

So the flood hits, and I'm not even going to go into how Bush had one of his buddies as the head of the FEDERAL EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT AGENCY!!

Awww fuck it. Let's go into it.

A little info on our buddy Mike Brown found right at good ol Wikipedia

He received a B.A. in public administration/political science from Central State University (now the University of Central Oklahoma) in 1978 *THAT'S TOP NOTCH RIGHT THERE BABY*. He received his J.D. from Oklahoma City University's School of Law in 1981 (the school was not accredited by the Association of American Law Schools at the time.)*AND A JD FROM A NICE UNACCREDITED LAW SCHOOL...SWEET!!!*

But hey...on the job training makes all the difference. I'm sure he had plenty.

While he was in college, from 1975 to 1978, he handled "labor and budget matters"[2] as an administrative assistant to the city manager of Edmond, Oklahoma. His White House biography states that he had emergency services oversight in this position. However, the head of public relations for the city denied that Brown had oversight over anybody, and explained that "the assistant is more like an intern."

Well we're splitting hairs here aren't we? I mean whether he was an intern or an assistant manager doesn't really matter when that is his ONLY EXPERIENCE with disaster management. I mean how many times did EDMOND, OKLAHOMA have to be rescued from the throws of danger? I mean appointing friends to be the ambassador to Monaco...I can understand. But in a position of such importance you put the assistant manager/intern of city services for Edmond Oklahoma. Are you fucking kidding me??!!??!!

I mean Jesus Christ!! It is BLATANTLY obvious that our governor has failed us systematically and contributed in no small part to one of the worst disasters in American history. How can this be argued? I don't understand it. Like I said, local officials definitely deserve blame...but I haven't gotten over the RIDICULOUS SHIT our leader has done yet!! Give me a little while to do that first...

Oh...and while New Orleans is undergoing a slow motion catastrophe, Bush mugs for the cameras, cuts a cake for John McCain, plays the guitar for Mark Wills, delivers an address about V-J day, and continues with his vacation. When he finally gets around to acknowledging the scope of the unfolding disaster, he delivers only a photo op on Air Force One and a flat, defensive, laundry list speech in the Rose Garden.

Sounds like he's taking things real seriously there. He's dragging his feet while bodies float down streets in a place that is 70% African American.

Well fuck me...why is anyone bringing up race?!?

I'm not calling the man a racist...but you're a fucking idiot if you're surprised that it was even BROUGHT UP. Please stop...just stop.

Normally I'd wonder if it was just me...but seeing how his approval ratings are the lowest since "approval ratings" were invented....well I'll just assume it's not.

Peace & Love

PK

You can find me in the club...

2005-09-11T23:30:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts about my roommates birthday...and other shit. (This will probably be long)

Good times. I'm glad I went and I didn't blow TOO much money.

I'm THE WORST guy to have with you in the club.

Also...

I'm THE BEST guy to have with you in the club.

I'll explain...

I'm THE WORST because I'm a people watcher. Which basically means, I can chill out all night playing the bar, or the back (nh), or the booth in a club and have a terrific time. I'll drink, smile at anyone who smiles at me and watch everyone else. I'll make jokes in my head about people who can't dance, girls that are with ugly/corny/ridiculously dressed guys (and vice versa). I'll watch the attractive girls who come out of the house in their "PLEASE NOTICE ME" outfits (always good times by the way). And inevitibly before the night is over, I'll make eye contact with one or two girls who aren't wearing the aforementioned outfit.....didn't come with the aforementioned cornball...and doesn't look half bad or half crazy. I'll walk up to her, think of something slightly funny/witty/retarded to say, and then get her number. The eye contact is key. I get the smile or the look or whatever first, and my closing percentage is pretty high.

The reason all of this makes me THE WORST guy to be with in the club is because I can do all of it without YOU. I don't need any of the fellas to pull this off. No wingmen...no nothing. I can have a good time people watching....get drunk....leave with a number....and call it a night (save for the burrito at the all night taco shop on the way home). If I'm in "people watcher" mode/mood I'm not gonna keep rolling up to women all night----crackin corny jokes with you, or laughing at your corny jokes, or distracting the ugly/overweight chick while you holla at her model-esque friend. I'm not takin one for the team. Not tonight....

But if I'm not in that mood...

I'm the BEST PERSON EVER to go to the club with. I'll dance. Get girls to laugh (not at my dancing--I'm funny. Really!), buy them drinks (more and more as I buy myself drinks), be witty, run interference for ya...the whole nine. Seriously, I'd kill to go to the club with me.

Well, when I went out to meet my roommate, he was already at the club with a few guys and gals he hung with. So he didn't need me as a wingman, which was perfect because I was in "people watch" mode anyway.

Soooooo.......highlights from the club,

*There were two rooms with two DJs. Between those two rooms I heard "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas FOUR TIMES....and....

*It BLEW the dance floor up FOUR TIMES (i also heard it once on the radio while I was driving downtown) (I'm not making his up).

(NOTE: I told ya that song was the new ~~awful~~ hotness. PK has his ear to the street son!!)

*The club had a nice mix of Asian folks (mostly) Black/Latino folks (secondly) and White folks (thirdly---but not by much). Which made it even more surprising that "My Humps" played FOUR TIMES.

*Asian chicks don't date black dudes. I'm speaking in generalities here. But I've been in San Diego for almost 3 years and there are plenty of Asian women and a significant amount of black guys.....and it ain't happening. You can go ahead and throw pacific islanders in there too. I've known a few folks who SWEAR this isn't true....but I've yet to see any significant proof to the contrary. Asian/Islander chicks love Asian/Islander/White guys. It's a fact. I will not argue this. I once met a Hawaiian stripper at a house party I went to. She told me the same shit man. She was like, "You'll enjoy your visit to Hawaii, but the girls won't be on you too much. They like white guys." Needless to say I didn't get her number...but her words have proven true. So fuck Hawaii...I'm going to Puerto Rico. I LOVE Puerto Ricans the best anyway...well it's a tie...but you know what I mean.

But I digress...

*I'm pretty sure I met my next ex-girlfriend that night at the club. Pretty smile. RIDICULOUS body (I heart curves) (A LOT). I'll call her around Wednesday or some shit.

*This chick who was gay...or at least bi, came into the club with this cute little outfit on, 3 girls, and a derby. Yes...you read that right...she was wearing a derby. Actually she was wearing THE FUCK out of it. Sexiest thing in there, hands down. She wouldn't dance with any guys and you could tell that the chicks she brought were doing whatever she wanted (gettin her drinks etc.). Really just a terrific thing to see. One of the girls she was pimpin was pretty drunk and grabbed my ass as she walked off the dance floor......twice. But I'd seen too many guys try to hop in the middle of that trio of girls and get played. PK is no sucker.....ass grab or not.

*You don't need a parking lot for parking lot pimping. It can and will happen anytime a function involving men & women lets out. And it is wonderful to see. I RARELY partake in this. If I didn't get your number in the club.......fuck it.....I've got burritos to eat.

*When Fat Man Scoop starts yelling, "ALL MY REAL LIVE NIGGAS THROW YA HANDS UP"....A LOT of people who are not niggas throw their hands up. I never really paid attention to this before.......this amuses me. I mean really....why are your hands up???????

*It still astounds me how many guys don't realize that the bartender DOES NOT LIKE YOU. She wants tips, not your number. Fellas, you WILL NOT land the bartender while she's serving drinks at a packed club. Man, I thought they would be teaching that one in school by now. Find yourself 10 hot bartenders and ask them where they met they're boyfriends.....9 of them will say a place outside of their bar (save for co-workers). Seriously though...I thought that one was up there with the sky being blue...

Alright, I'm gettin sleepy now... so the kid is outta here. This weekend I'm taking my lil sis back to college in Northern Cali, so I doubt they'll be much to report...but next weekend the fellas and I are hittin up this reggae spot. So maybe I'll make this little "in the club" thing a recurring deal. We'll see though...I'm lazy.

Peace, Love, & Don't Play Yourself,

P to the K

The day after yesterday...

2005-09-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

Woke up late for work...couldn't find my keys....pretty sure I was still some semblance of inebriated. But fuck it...it's Friday.

I just kept on going after that last post. I almost drunk-wrote an email to my ex...

Well that's fuckin ridiculous isn't it....

Drunk writing is really a weird thing. I sometimes get a buzz working before I sit down to write...but yesterday was different.
1. I've never gotten a buzz going to write in my blog
2. I was pretty fuckin smashed.

That said, I kind of enjoyed it. Maybe I'll do it again this weekend sometime.

----------

We've had a new roommate living with us for about a month now. It's his birthday this weekend. He wants to get ripped up tonight and go partying downtown. A good time to be sure, but I've really got some crap I've gotta finish. And I don't need to go pissing away a couple hundred bucks downtown (it is a scientific certainty that I will if I go). Half of me wants to cancel and recuperate from yesterday and get in a few pages of writing----then maybe take him out next weekend or something. But the other half of me is like---even if he's only been a roommate for about a month and a half, he IS a roommate and will probably turn into a good friend. He's a cool guy and all...

Who am I kidding really...I might as well start drinking water now...cause I'm probably going. damn...

Stream of...

2005-09-09T00:19:00.000-07:00

~~Consciousness~~ Drunken-ness

The NFL is BACK!! I was doubtful about putting money on the Raiders to cover...turns out I was right.

For those of you crazy bastards who still stop by this site, get ready for a lot of sports/gambling posts.

For those of you crazy bastards who still stop by this site who don't like that shit, get ready for a lot of posts on love (or lack thereof), life (or lack thereof---I guess that means I'm actually writing).

For those of you who are writers.........OHHHHHHH BURN.

What the fuck am I saying (writing)

If only you knew how many times I've hit the fuckin backspace button.

"Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional is playing. I guess I'd like to feel like that... Kinda crazy... I haven't even thought about thinking like that since high school.

I'll put that song in my radio blog (I won't...I'm too lazy)

Buy the Kanye West album.

I gave my first screenplay to a friend of mine who works on Wilshire. I agree with half of her critique. I think the other half is completely missing the point.

I'm scared to REALLY TRY to write ANYTHING AT ALL. I'm just kidding around with myself until someone I know/trust/love/respect ruins the story of my life by telling me what I've already known all along.

Which is that I suck at it... A sad sad day for the kid.

Just took another sip....

Thought about Frank Sinatra. He said something like, "I feel bad for people who don't drink because when they wake up in the morning...that's the best they'll feel all day"

Sinatra was a fuckin genius...

I wonder if I've got the guts to just stop writing this sentence and hit the "post" button. (you're probably thinking that, "if he were really drunk, he wouldn't remember to put quotations around words like "post" when referring to the button)

I'M AN ENGLISH MAJOR!!

DICK!!

OK...I'm outta here. I've gotta re-write half of the scenes in my first feature...because my friend on wilshire is only half right. (she's really a great friend and judge---I'm not just suckin her dick cause she lives in LA and works on Wilshire)

Also, she doesn't have a dick.

OK, really I'm outta here. Any single ladies, leave your number in the comments. This is better than drunk dialing. HA... Please respect me in the morning...

Peace, Love, And A Good 7 & 7

PK

Quickie

2005-09-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

Still at work. Still busy. Still hope no one is looking over my shoulder.

Cool weekend. Mellow. Mom's birthday on Saturday so I had to kick it with the fam a bit. No ass. But good times none the less.

I need to get back on my grind. I've got shit to write...places to move...and money to make. Gotta get ready for this move to LA. I hate moving...it's gonna be a bitch...but there's nothing more I'd like to accomplish this year.

With my stupid ass luck...a few weeks before I'm ready to move, I'll meet the girl of my dreams. How many times can that happen to a guy? Seriously... It's happen to me twice...I think it's someone else's turn.

I'm literally typing what pops into my head real-time (ok, not real-time because I can't type as fast as I can think....but you know what I mean).

Jesus I can't wait until Thursday. Yes!! Yes!! Yes, I AM ready for some football.

I used to ALWAYS make fun of people who'd say shit like "I want a girlfriend". What idiots. Why would you wanna go out LOOKING for a pair of handcuffs... I can kinda see where they're coming from now. I'm not ONE OF THEM....but I understand the perspective a bit better (maybe it's age). Still...committment free sex, and sex with brand new people is fun.

I'm still having fun.

OK, I keep hearing footsteps toward my desk...so I gotta go.

Peace & Love,

PK

*I really don't want to post about Katrina, New Orleans, Bush, Kanye West, or racism. But I don't think I'm going to be able to avoid it. We'll see though...

*Regardless of what you think about the guy though...I can say this. The new Kanye West album is fuckin AMAZING. Maybe I'll post the entire album on my radio blog so you kids can have a listen to the whole thing...

Awfully Hot

2005-08-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

Do you feed a cold and starve the flu? I thought that was how it went…or maybe it’s the other way around… Well either way, my fuckin roommates got me sick and I’ve been trying to stick to plenty of fluids and soup and what not… But I’m hungry.

Fuckin starving actually… Just soup and crap isn’t cutting it.

I’m leaving work a little early, OD’ing on some Nyquil and hoping to feel better in the morning.

But FIRST…

How “awful” is the new “hot”.

There are things in life that you know, but sometimes it takes a little while to realize. This should be one of them.

It started with reality television. Real stars are already victims of a constant invasion of privacy by paparazzi and fans. The last thing they’d be interested in is a camera crew following them around night and day to give viewers a dose of “reality”. But reality TV continues to blossom and catch on, so every network’s gotta have one. Well since the established stars are out, who do you use? Well you’re relegated to washed up and wanna-be stars. Already, these are the makings of bad television.

It started off well enough. Survivor type shows and Nick and Jessica weren’t SO bad to begin with. But how many Survivor/Real World & Road Rules/Fear Factor/Newlywed hybrids can you have. In a pool of talent that was mediocre to begin with…we’re now running low! Scraping the bottom of a barrel that was filled with nothing but garbage to begin with. So now what? I’ve got a show budget and the only people who’ve signed on so far are Bridget Neilson and Flava Flav!?!?

Well, fuck it…

Let’s see how bad we can make this… Lets make “bad” the objective. We’ll call it “fun” (like holla back girl) or “raw” (like Brittney & Kevin’s show – “Can you handle it”)…but really it’s just bad. And everyone kept up-ing the stakes. Strange Love, Surreal Life, Who Wants To Marry a Millionaire…or a Midget (either one works apparently). Who’s Your Daddy, My Super Sweet Sixteen, Laguna Beach (the REAL Orange County).

It became a contest to see who could make the best crap…and we got sucked in. We were the judges and we took our seats and participated…making the most God-awful shows the most watched…making things that were awful….HOT. To the point where Being Bobby Brown got it’s first season extended (much to my enjoyment)…to the point where Laguna Beach is in it’s second season and the first is on sale on DVD. To the point where songs like Holla Back Girl and My Humps (Black Eyed Peas) are all over the radio (also much to my enjoyment). To the point where Room Raiders and Date My Mom have marathons on MTV.

But hey…I’m a pop culture whore who just roles with the trends…so I’m having a great time.

I’ve cleared out the radio blog to feature two of the most ~~awful~~ amazing songs out right now. My Humps by BEP and Fly Til I Die by a coalition of rappers from Tennessee. Really just amazing stuff. You owe it to yourself to listen. I'll continue to fill the blog with more wonderful crap as I come across it (because i care).

Props:
Lindsey at Immoderation has touched this subject here….and well everyday really.

Mimi is from Tennessee

Represent!!

PK

{EDIT: I wrote this at work. But I started feeling so crappy I just left and went straight home to the nyquil without posting. After several hours of a medicine induced coma I woke up to David Letterman's "Will It Float". Kind of a weird thing to wake up to...especially when you're drugged and completely disoriented. I don't remember what the hell it was...but it was floating. Anyway I posted this around Midnight Thursday night in between giant Nyquil dosings. Great times... }

Yo Joe!!!

2005-08-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

I was asked to assess our company needs, and then evaluate and recommend a video conferencing solution. Here is a small piece of what I wrote:

After a thorough comparison and the opportunity to demo each product, I’m recommending Option A. The integrated video, the usage discount on teleconferencing minutes, the file transfer capabilities, the hosted website, and the 24/7 support will only become infinitely more valuable as we continue to grow in all areas of the country. Option B would satisfy our current needs, but I feel it would be a decision lacking forward thought.

“A decision lacking forward thought”??? I can’t believe I wrote that crap. I’ve become a tool for the man. I’m like one of the drones in that movie “Office Space”. PK’s a sellout. He’s Joe Corporate… It’s sad... I’m not even sure when it happened…

More once I free myself from the man’s grasp,

PK

Well then...

2005-08-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the suggestion Mimi (cosigned by McG). I went out and got some ass. But I don't feel any better... Not one bit.

PSYCHE!!! GOTCHA BITCHES!!

Went and hung out with Lisa this past weekend. That chick really digs me. I mean REALLY digs me. She moved over 3 months ago and we only talk on the phone about once a week. I figured that shit would've died down some. But it turns out...

Not so much...

Maybe I'm just humble or stupid or something...but chicks who are just IN LOVE with me...kinda trip me out. I'm a fun guy to be around, and I don't look half bad and all that jazz...but when chicks go HEAD OVER HEELS...it still kinda sends me for a loop.

I'm nobody special...I just play somebody special on TV.

So Lisa invites me up on Friday. It's just her and her girlfriend living in this house and her girlfriend has to travel on business all the time. Lisa loves to cook and never really gets a chance to (apparently cooking for one all the time doesn't count as actual cooking -- I didn't know this -- but then again I can't cook for shit and never really try to. So, how would I). Anyway, I'm not sure if she got a bonus, or found a new recipe, or just really wanted to see me...but when I got there, she'd made lobster...and it was bangin.

Believe it or not the girl had never seen the movie "Old School" (yeah...i don't know how either) so we watched that after dinner and went through a couple bottles of wine. It was supposed to be a comedy double feature. We were gonna watch the old school DVD and then go to the movies to see "Wedding Crashers"...but that shit didn't go down. Shit starts getting hectic on the couch after the movie...so we moved the party upstairs to her bedroom...

I LOVE this girls body. Seriously...LOVE...IT. Nice chest round ass...and somehow manages to keep that shit looking tight. Neither of them get to big or sloppy or anything like that. Just roundness and firmness. LOVE...IT. That night was off the hook. That morning? Yup you guessed it....of the hook too.

All of that kinda got me thinkin on the ride back home. I wonder why I didn't want this girl to be my girlfriend when she lived in San Diego...and why I still don't. Have you ever met/dated someone who really didn't have any flaws....they just didn't have that thing? I mean the girl loves me, likes to cook, has a nice body, is smart with a good job...blah blah blah. Physically things couldn't be better. We laugh...we get along...but there just isn't that thing

Am I crazy?

Random thoughts:

I've been trying to figure out what's been trending in Pop Culture and it finally came to me in a white flash of brilliance ---- "AWFUL" is the new "HOT". Seriously. I'll explain all of this in my next post.

------

Went shopping... just got a couple hats and a couple pairs of jeans. You ever get some new shit....try it on....look in the mirror....and then be like...

"yeah...I do look pretty fuckin good don't I".....Is that just me? That can't just be me...

------

Did I mention that the kid is back? No more depressing posts... had a fuckin vanilla latte this morning and I've got on some fresh new gear (yup stole that phrase right out of 1988) Parents hide your daughters...PK is back.

And Lastly...

------

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?! God, I can't wait...

Peace, Love & Smile Like Ya Mean It,

PK

Who cares…

2005-08-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure who cares…but I can tell you most assuredly that I don’t.

It’s just one of those weeks.

I’ve got work to do here at the office. I don’t care. I’m not doing it. Well …maybe some…but only enough to keep up the facade that I’m actually doing something. That way people will leave me the hell alone. Which is all I really want…because I don’t care. Don’t give a flying fuck.

I was supposed to go look at the CFO’s new treo. He’s receiving his emails late. I told him yesterday I’d swing by this morning. It’s 1:50pm pacific time…still haven’t swung by. You know why?

Cause fuck his treo….that’s why.

I’ve got shit I need to do at home. I don’t care…not doing it. I’m behind on my writing. I need to finish reading this stupid book, and I need to take care of some work for my cousin’s small business.

But fuck that.

Ironically enough, I’m not even in a bad mood. I’ve just been in a haze all week. Haven’t slept too well. Keep waking up groggy. Feeling lethargic. Random body aches. And all of it has led me to a giant “I don’t give a fuck”.

Not a mean one…or a resentful one. More a tired one, a worn out one…

Any of you guys ever feel like that? I should’ve got a fuckin vanilla latte.

I wish you all,

Peace, Love, & Some Ambition

PK

PS – Sorry about the missed hump day post. I’ll make it up to ya tomorrow…

My Prayer...

2005-08-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

I can do all things through Vanilla Lattes which strengthen me.

I missed the revolution...

I only drank coffee on occasion before Starbucks became the mega-giant it is today. So when it first appeared as a “coffee specialty” place I could really care less. Even now I can’t tell you the difference between frappaccinos, cappaccinos, expressos, lattes, and plain ol’ folgers. (aside, of course, from the assortment of flavors – vanilla, mocha, chocolate, and whatever else they’ve got there).

When people would make a “starbucks run” at work, I’d rarely put an order in. I don’t know what half of the crap there is, so what the hell am I gonna order? I began to try a few things here and there to try to get a feel for the things I like. Some things were ok…and some I hated.

And then it happened….

I was in front of the cashier perusing the extensive menu of drinks when I decided randomly upon the vanilla latte.

Holy Shit…

If I’m not mistaken it’s a type of expresso…(?) (I still really don’t know shit about most of those drinks). But what I do know is that it’s the biggest kick square in my ass (nh) that I’ve ever received. I’m wired and that shit is like crack. The morning just flew by. I kinda want another one to go with lunch. I feel like taking a jog or painting a house or something…

I see now… My eyes have been opened.

So I guess this is how they’ve become the biggest thing ever. All sorts of drinks, jam packed with caffeine, served in varying sizes, flavors, and brews. Eventually you’ll find the crack rock that is right for you…and then they’ve got you.

I can’t lie though…I feel exquisite…

I may owe my entire writing career to the vanilla latte. I can truly do all things…

Peace, Love, And A Sweet Sweet Caffeine Buzz,

PK

PS - I know I'm MAD LATE on the whole Starbucks craze. Anything else I should try? What do you folks drink? OK - I'm off for my jog... Later.

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-08-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

This post has been sponsored in part by, The Encyclopedia of Sex...Because without us, you'd have no idea what to call that nasty shit you've been doing...

Today's Word:

The Root Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity (noun)
The act of cumming on a woman's flapjack-like titties, then smacking her in the face with a waffle iron. Your choice of fruit may then be poured onto her head.

Example:
After she made brunch, Claire got the Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity.

Hooray for the bad guys

2005-08-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

I've grown to like it here in San Diego. I've taken to rooting for the Chargers and the Padres.

Except...

When they're playing the Jets or the Mets (whuddya want...I'm a jersey boy!).

Well tonight Pedro is on the mound as the Mets prepare to backslap the Padres. I'm getting tore up and going to boo the hometown heroes with the guys. This will be a good night.

Until tomorrow's hangover,

PK

EDIT: The Mets got their ass whooped. I'm still drunk though.

Kidding Myself

2005-08-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

I’ve been able to tell myself a few whoppers. If you want to believe something bad enough…most times you will.

My father is the consummate business man – accounting undergrad, masters in Marketing. He went to a county college for 2 years before getting the aforementioned accounting degree at NJIT….

He was the valedictorian.

Now he’s the VP of marketing for a firm in Irvine (and Atlanta apparently). All business. It’s what he does…it’s who he is.

And I am his son. A spitting image in fact. I’m even beginning to sound like him.

So less than 6 months after my 17th birthday I’m off to college. My advisor asks me if I have any idea of what I’d like to major in. What do I tell her?

Accounting.

Despite the fact that I scored a 730 verbal on my SAT’s. Despite the fact that every scholarship I’d won to get there was for a poem or an essay I’d written. Despite the fact that in my senior year of high school when I could take any elective, I chose creative writing...and aced it (the teacher let me skip the final) Despite all of this…I believed I could be my father. I believed I was supposed to be my father…even though all of the evidence pointed to the contrary. Just a whopper of a lie to tell myself.

But I believed it…

I also believed that after two years, my ex-girlfriend would be the exact same person. And why not… We were 3000 miles apart, it’s not like I could see her changing. When we spoke on the phone, it was the same voice I fell in love with. Neither of us had another serious relationship since… So why not??

It’s still hard for me to come to grips with how much she has changed. It’s crushing to come to grips with the fact that I was a big part of the reason why it happened.

On her last night here, we had it out. It turned out to be a healthy fight. I was pissed she was distant, guarded. I mean it was ME…guarded was the last thing I was expecting.

But when I left her in North Carolina, she was on her own. Newly graduated, with a mother who was freshly divorced whom she helped take care of off and on for a while. She told me how no guys have compared to me. She bought a house. She explained how dating is weird enough when you’re on the rebound from the love of your life, but to let a stranger into your home when you live alone is even weirder…let alone into your body. She missed me tremendously and she was lonely. She didn’t get another boyfriend.

She got a dog.

How could she not have her guard up? And after 2 years, the guard has pretty much become permanent.

I was crushed. It was weird seeing her like this…but it was my fault that it had happened. We both had to do what was right for us…but at the end of the day, I’m the one who left.

Despite what I say (or what I type) I never looked at her as an ex-girlfriend. I always thought of her as the woman I’d marry once I figured a few things out….or when the geography of things worked for us and not against us.

It was just hard to realize that this thing that I’d set down and was dreaming of coming back to get was now behind two laser fences and a rabid guard dog.

Does anyone know her as well as I do? No. Has anyone she’s dated come close to taking my place? No. Do I still think I’ll marry her? I think so… And just having to answer that last question with the words “I think so” hurts…

A LOT…

When we were together there was no doubt. We’d named our kids, met each other’s parents (which went EXTREMELY well on both sides), and even designed a ring on “adiamondisforever.com” (I know…I had it bad).

So what are the odds of her saying yes to a proposal at this point? I’d say 70/30 yes…but it still feels weird. It still bothers me that there is now a doubt.

So that’s that. 2 nights of food poisoning – 1 night at the folks place – one night of fighting – and a morning to resolve it.

No sex… Crazy huh?

I came back home from dropping her off at the airport and crashed onto the lazy boy. AD was the only other person in the living room. He’d been my roommate in college and thus had seen everything from the beginning of this relationship to its pseudo-ending. We had this discussion.

AD: So how are things

ME: They ended well…but they were weird for a big chunk of that time

AD: How so?

ME: She’s just so guarded now. It’s crazy. We had a fight over it. Even around me she was like that.

AD: That’s actually kind of funny…

ME: How the fuck is that funny

AD: Because you’re guarded.

ME: (Looking over at him a bit angrily)

AD: Guarded with everyone accept her.

My father had a girlfriend named Deborah…he dated her for 2years. His family was pushing him to get married…but deep down something didn’t feel right. So he broke up with her. A few months later he started dating his best friend. His family hated her…just because she wasn’t Deborah. 27 years later, I call that “best friend” mom.

I always wonder if my ex-girlfriend is “Deborah” or “the best friend”. But fuck it….I’m not my father. Who am I kidding???

The Score

2005-08-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah...so I know a lot of people were rooting for the X....or love....or a rekindling of some sort....but...

It's not lookin good for the home team.

It's the 23rd hour and unless I get some sort of call from the governor, this relationship will probably meet it's end.

So I can't blame the narcolepsy...

2005-08-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

So the narcolepsy turned out to be mild food poisining. The doctor thinks it was the fast food she ate at the airport on the way here.

She woke up four times between midnight and 6am and hurled. We stopped into the emergency room this morning and they gave her some crap I can't remember the name of for it. She felt better. She ate a LIGHT breakfast and then we went to the San Diego Zoo.

That was a pretty good time. A much better time than I thought it would be...

Now it's late friday afternoon and we're chillin out and catching up on some rest. We've got reservations at Morton's Steakhouse, and then it's off to the strip club.

Lapdances!!! I'm buyin!!!

I keep swinging back and forth though. We'll do something or talk about something and a little voice inside me is like, "how did you ever leave this girl".

And a few hours later, for whatever reason, we'll be doing something just as random and a different voice says, "how could you leave everything in Southern Cali just to go back, probably get married, and settle down? Are you fuckin crazy?"

Each voice has a point...

PK

So…I probably should’ve mentioned the narcolepsy…

2005-08-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

The X flies in and I pick her up from the airport…

LATE.

Yeah, um…that’s my bad. I went to wash my car and they took a little longer than expected. Meanwhile her flight came in early…

EARLY?!?!?!?!?

Flights actually do that??!!??

So things didn’t get off to the greatest of starts. But they picked up. We swing over to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. I have 3 large Long Island iced teas. She has two. We come back to the house and change clothes. Miller, Me, and the X make marguerites, throw them in a cooler and head to the beach.

There are people that have problems with the jetlag. There are people that have SEVERE problems with the jetlag. And then there’s my ex-girlfriend. I almost forgot about that shit. The last couple of times I brought her to Cali to visit the folks, my little sister stayed up later than she did. To sum it up, very little was going down after 10pm…and nothing was going down after midnight. I also almost forgot how aggravating this is.

Suffice it to say that the 2 LIITs, the marguerites, the day at the beach while continuing to drink the marguerites, and the time difference have taken her out…

FOR GOOD.

It’s about 8:30 pacific time and I don’t think we’ll have another lucid conversation until tomorrow. The chances for a “middle of the night wake-up and want some sex” are about 50/50. I could care less at this point though…

Throughout the day I was constantly reminded of a lot of good things, and why we were together. This tempers that though. It’s probably a good thing. The goo-goo ga-ga period is over…so now I guess we’ll really see how these next 4 days go.

And if you were wondering…after two years…she still looks terrific…

This is California though…a lot of people look terrific.

A once again grounded,

PK

What's the deal??

2005-08-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

The Job…

My apologies. I’m sure no one swings by my little spec on the internet to hear me complain about work. It’s definitely out of character for the kid. But since a few people where nice enough to email me and ask what happened when I fell off the face of the earth…allow me an explanation. I’ll keep it brief…after all…we’ve got other shit to attend to…

I work for a government contractor. The Department of Defense to be specific. The government basically says, “I’ve gotta get this done. I’ve got 20 million dollars to spend on it. Who wants to do it?” After which, my company and several others like it raise their hands and yell, “Oh, me! Please me!! Over here, over here!!”.

Well a little less than a month ago, my company won its largest single contract ever. 90 million dollars. We threw a party. We celebrated. We drank….and then we drank some more. And then it was time to do the damn job (I should say begin the damn job…it’s gonna take close to 5 years)

As with any company there are always projects in limbo. Things on hold pending budgets or the end of the fiscal quarter or what have you. Well…..when you get 90 million dollars in a day. All of those yellow lights turn green. All of those projects are a go.

Well...60% of those projects require the IT department to do A LOT of shiznit.

Guess what department the kid works in?? So they’ll be more late nights and more Saturdays I’ll have to swing into the office (once football season starts Sundays are out). So shit will be tough for a while…but at least I avoided being salaried. Can we say “hourly” biatch…let me get that OVERTIME.

************

Farewell Laguna Beach…

Turns out the folks are really breaking out. The company that pops works for has a headquarters in Atlanta just as large as the one in Irvine. They always wanted to retire in the southeast. The value of their house has damn near doubled…so they’re gonna take the money and run….buy a house that’s twice the size for half the cost….and get ready to get their retirement on. It led to the following conversation:

Me: But dad you’re like 53. You’ve got plenty more years to chill on the beach before you get in retirement mode.

Pops: I’m from North Jersey. I could give a damn about the beach. I’m payin off a bunch of shit. Buying a big ‘ol house and playing golf.

Me: How are you that ghetto and still a vice president of anything?

Pops: You think I talk to white people like I talk to yo ass??? What was I paying college tuition for son??

Me: You’re hilarious… Really.

So that’s that. If I wanna hang out at Laguna Beach after October, I’ll have to get fuckin hotel room. Ain’t that some bullshit….

**************

The Girl…

Will be here at 9:48 am pacific time. The house is clean. The cash is in my pocket. The itinerary is in place. How the hell will it be after 2 YEARS?! Am I nervous? Nah…not yet at least. The only girl I’ve met that can get me to do anything…and doesn’t ask for a damn thing. Kind of ironic…

I’ll keep you posted…

Peace, Love, & Putting Tuition To Good Use,

PK

Those Magic Words...

2005-08-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

Shit you never wanna hear your boss say:

"I put the documentation on your desk. Pay specific attention to Appendix D".

"Appendix D"???? Fuckin great... How many appendices are there??? Is "appendices" the proper pluralization of the word "appendix"?? What happened to the good ol days???

Well, I doubt you'll hear from me again today. Hope you all have great days that don't include an appendix. So go ahead and smile when you think about how you're not me. I'm gonna be here all fuckin night...

PK

Grey...

2005-08-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

I don’t even know where to begin… I guess Friday is as good a place as any other. So we’ll start there.

Friday: Met with a couple perspective roommates. If you’ve been reading for a while you’ve heard me complain about the 3 of us living in a four bedroom house. The phattest four bedroom house ever, mind you… but still only 3 of us to divide the rent. Financially it sucks gorilla balls. So we scheduled a bunch of people to swing by and check out the joint on Friday. It was like one of those Real World episodes when someone gets kicked out and you have to interview their replacement. The 3 of us deliberated over whom we liked best and called them back to let them know that same evening. The winner was this cat named Ryan.

When you live with a group of people, your house can take on a vibe. Almost like a synergy. For instance, last spring we had a bet to see who could get into the best shape for the bash we were going to be having on the beach and back at the house for the 4th of July. The competitiveness in all of us came roaring out and the house transformed. Everyone was killin the gym. All of the cakes and cookies and crap got thrown out. Suddenly there were protein shakes, balance bars, fruit, juice, chicken breasts, lean cuisine, and all kinds of other crap. All of us were single and looking forward to the beach, getting drunk, the party back at the house, and having random girls in their early 20’s rubbing all over the six packs we were going to carve into our stomachs come hell or high water!!

Nowadays…not so much.

This year, we didn’t even hit the beach…we’d done it 3 years running…who cares. Miller’s got a girlfriend, so 1/3 of the random hotties were pretty much out. I’d been busy as hell at work and writing when I wasn’t there. AD had been throwing in 9-10 hour shifts and was hot on the heels of that next promotion. All of these things were happening to us and reflecting of off us. The synergy of the house was dull...and messy. Shit was dusty, unkempt. Spring cleaning? Well it was the end of July and that shit still hadn’t happened. The house was just kinda grey… in every sense of the word. (The fact that the NFL season hasn’t started also weighs heavily into this……….HEAVILY).

So in comes New Roommate Ryan. We all get along with him. He’s funny. But perhaps most importantly he brings a new energy to the house……and dishes. As he’s moving in, he glances around and is like, “You guys mind if I clean and rearrange a few things?”

Well HELL NO!!

Saturday: We help the new guy move in. After that I lounge around at the folk’s house near Laguna. They tell me that they’re moving….back east! Great…(more on that nonsense later)

Sunday: Me & the new roomy hit up Wally World (Walmart). Pick up a new bagless vacuum cleaner (it’s the shit…it’s supposed to reduce allergens and shit too), cleaning supplies for the bathrooms and kitchen, carpet fresh, scented candles and potpourri and shit (the X will be here in 2 days) and all kinds of shit. We proceed to tear the house apart. Cleaned every room in that bitch from top to bottom. Miller & AD help out, music is blaring and everybody is doing something. Even Miller’s chickie was there lending a hand. It was amazing how dirty that place had gotten. It was amazing how much better I felt when we were done. Just like that, a fresh attitude, a fresh sense of humor, and a freshly cleaned place turned the energy of the house back to where it should’ve been. Props to the new roommate. So far so good… That should last us until football can take over.

And then I went to work…..Yup….that’s right….ON SUNDAY.

We had some servers to rack, some systems to update and patch and some UPS’s that needed their power distributed differently (thanks to the aforementioned new servers). Everything was going well until we were just about to leave (some 3.5 hours later). We realized that after an update and reboot one of the servers was coming back up very slowly. We also realized that that particular server housed a SQL database that the company would be fucked without. We figured it’d eventually come up…so we left it alone.

Around midnight that night my blackberry starts buzzing. It’s a text from Rob my boss.

ROB: Yo, I can’t remote into this thing still. I checked on the backups and it looks like they started throwing an error on Friday.

ME: So you mean that server is screwed and we may not even have a backup.

ROB: Exactly… We’ll find out tomorrow morning. I think that server was set up to mirror (“mirror” means that the server has 2 hard drives. It runs off of one hard drive and the other makes sure it looks exactly like the primary…hence the term. It’s different from the backup server)

ME: Jesus, I hope so.

My blackberry began buzzing early on Monday. How early? Around 4:35am. The message?

ROB: Couldn’t sleep. Came into the office. We may be fucked… Get here when you can.

To make a long story short. I got in around 5:30am and we found that the Veritas backup server threw out a bunch of errors…but we were saved by the mirror. I went home and went to sleep around 6:30pm yesterday. Just an awful day.

Random Thoughts:

Slim Thug is an American treasure. He’s exactly what I was talking about in that post about things being so bad that they become good. His album has circled around from being terrible to being one of my favorites out right now. Slim Thug, Paul Wall, and Mike Jones for president!!

New Real World tonight. Damn the kid from Boston can’t catch a break can he? Who do you think died for him to be sobbing like that?

They ran a marathon of “My Super Sweet 16” on MTV in preparation for the upcoming season. That shit is one of the most purely entertaining shows of the last few years. I feel strongly about this.

The big visit is in 2 days. More on that and why the fuck my parents would move FROM Laguna Beach…a little later.

Peace, Love, & Good Synergy

PK

The Hump Day Sex Word EDIT

2005-07-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

This post has been sponsored in part by,The Encyclopedia of Sex...The site that's kinda like cheating on your diet...you hate yourself for loving to do that shit!!

Today's Word:

Cow Tipping (verb)
Having sex with a fat chick, then giving her a dollar or two.

Example:
I tried to cow tip her, but I couldn't reach around her to get to my wallet.

**EDIT**

I had to add one more...because this one was so random and it was crackin me up!!

Today's 2nd Word:

The Kite Game (noun)
You get a bunch of friends together who are up for a laugh, and then find an easy girl. Everyone has to fuck her without a condom. Nine months later when she's given birth you have a DNA test and the father of the baby wins a kite.

Example:
We played the Kite Game with the slut down the street.

The simpler the better...

2005-07-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

Television and music for me have become like the yin and the yang…like an ever-flowing circle. By this I mean that some shows and some music are SO God awful, that they somehow become wildly amusing, can’t miss television shows. In essence they’re so bad that they somehow become good…

Very good.

MTV is the reigning champion of these shows, making them my second favorite network by far (HBO is a great network with great shows…I don’t see any channel catching them). I was folding my laundry yesterday and somehow found myself watching the season one recap of Laguna Beach and subsequently the one hour premiere of season two.

A God-Awful Show! But I couldn’t turn away…I tried and tried…but I just couldn’t. These fools are so rich and spoiled and ridiculous that it is unreal. Maybe absolute disbelief is what kept me tuned in. I swear, pop culture nonsense is like crack rock to me. To make things worse…during the Laguna Beach episode they were hitting me with commercials for the upcoming new season of “My Super Sweet 16”. Which, in case you were unaware…is one of the single greatest ideas in television history! OK…so I’m exaggerating. But it is definitely some of the funniest shit ever.

All of it just awful, mindless, pop candy television.

But…watching that crap did remind me of one thing…how awful women can be to each other. A woman can grow, and mature, and become a warm, nurturing, loving, and sweet person. You put 5 of these women in the same place…

Pack of wolves.

I’ve seen some of the sweetest girls get around other girls and I’ve almost had to check on the cycle of the moon and grab some silver bullets. Women, why are you guys so rough on each other? I remember growing up and hearing more and more women saying things like, “most of my friends are guys”. Or, “I’d much rather hang out with a bunch of guys than a bunch of girls”. I figured it was just a trend or fad or something….but it turns out… Not so much.

It’s 2005 and women still haven’t figured out that if they could only work together they could rule the world… It’s surprising really...

And they call us simple……ha!

Men – feel free to leave your primitive grunts and moans in the comments section

Women – feel free to rip me a new one….unless by some miracle I’m actually right…..

Crazy.....Deranged

2005-07-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

First off, thanks for everyone’s feedback on the previous post. It really helped to get some fresh and completely objective perspective on things. I don’t want to talk that shit into the ground, so I’ll leave it alone till she gets here. I’ll try to sneak in a few updates while she’s in town and then the full recap once she leaves. I honestly have no idea what’s gonna happen. I’ve been thinking about stuff…..crazy stuff…..I’ve had to keep myself in check. Luckily this isn’t too hard since I’m a P.I.M.P.….

Seriously though….

It’s crazy how you can run into that one person who makes you become a different person. I love to see it happen to other people. It’s some scary shit when it happens to me though.

But enough about all that crap….

Friday – Got tore up and didn’t do a damn thing. It was wonderful. Was up till four a.m. making sweet sweet love to a bottle of Kettle One and talking to Miller about what’s gonna happen after this fall (I’m moving to LA to write – He’s moving to SF to go to school – And AD will probably stay in SD cause his job keeps throwing money at him). Almost 3 years of kickin it on the beach in San Diego with my bestest friends…and now we’ve got some growing up to do….and we’ve all chose different directions to head in to do it…

Saturday – Wedding Crashers! Funniest shit I’ve seen this year. I’ve gotta go see “Hustle & Flow”…and then after that I’m getting drunk and seeing Wedding Crashers AGAIN. That shit was killin me. Highly recommended by the kid. I was supposed to kick it with Lisa that night. She was coming over to cook crab legs. But I found out that the boys were getting a few drinks and going to see “Crashers”….well I couldn’t pass that up. Plus since Kris will be here in like a week and a half….that just felt dirty. Since we all know what would’ve happened after the crab legs got eaten.

(See! I’m acting like a different person already!! Turning down crab legs and sex?? Huh?? I guess now probably isn’t the best time to tell you that I’ve reconsidered never moving back to North Carolina. I told you that girl got me thinking crazy stuff!! Damnit!)

Sunday – A day with the ponies. Miller and I went to Del Mar to bet on horse racing. GREAT TIME. Del Mar is damn near a beach front race track. On a gorgeous day, it doesn’t get any better. We actually won some money too….which is good considering we only went for the beer and the beautiful weather. Getting a little money on the side never hurt anybody…

Random Thoughts:
If you’re watching Entourage----My Ex is like what Mandy Moore is to Vince (only she’s not white….or named Mandy….you get it though right?)

If you’re not watching….you’re still fuckin up

Both girls and guys talk about sex…but girls do it FAR more explicitly. This is a fact. People must know about it….

The Ex Factor...

2005-07-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

So the “ex” Girlfriend is coming to visit in 12 days. For the newcomers to this blog who may be wondering why this is a big deal…or why the word “ex” is in quotation marks, you can check out this previous post. Or this one.

But since I’m a nice guy I won’t make you go back and read that stuff if you don’t want to (you should though…it’s some cool shiznit). So here are the main excerpts from those posts.

I’m pretty sure I left the love of my life in North Carolina. I just couldn’t take it anymore (living in NC not her).

I’m not sure if she’ll ever move out here.

I know I won’t move back.

California has a lot of girls though…I may have spoken too soon on that love of my life thing.

She’s coming to visit for a week in August. That will be interesting… Since I haven’t seen her since I left……2 years ago.

My mother loves her. That’s kind of annoying.

No matter how much we’ve talked on the phone in those last 2 years, that visit will still be crazy.

That excerpt was just from a “random crap about me” post. A few days after that, Mimi flew to California, tracked me down and twisted my arm behind my back. She said she wouldn’t let it go unless I did one of those “100 things about me” lists. She was hurting my arm…so I did it.

I’m such a chump.

Anyway, here is the relevant crap from that post.

39. My parents and little sister lived in Jersey while I was down south for school
40. I missed them during that time, especially my sister
41. 2 months after I graduated from college they moved to Orange County CA
42. Then I REALLY missed them. Only got to see ‘em like twice a year. Plus…
43. I have no family in North Carolina
44. FOR ME…Carolina was slow, had few job opportunities, and I’d already spent a total of 6 years there (4 in college + 2 – working & chilling with the GF)
45. FOR HER... Carolina was home, had her family, and a ton of opportunities
46. It would’ve been fucked up for me to try to force her to move to California
47. It would’ve been fucked up for her to try to force me to stay
48. So I didn’t. And she didn’t
49. I just moved
50. We never really broke up
51. There has been no closure
52. We talk on the phone all the time
53. But I haven’t seen her in 2 years
54. She feels like if she came to visit, she would just remember all the reasons we were together….and then in a few days have to leave again.
55. She hasn’t invited me back to visit
56. But now it’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t really care about all that stuff and just wants to see me
57. She’s coming to visit in 2 months
58. It will be interesting...

Here’s a little more info to put the gravity of this thing into perspective:

We were friends for about a year before we dated. She was my girlfriend for two and a half years after that (minus 2 weeks when I broke up with her--I'll explain later). She had a key to my apartment (still one of the toughest gifts I’ve ever given).

She met my parents while I was still in college and they were living in New Jersey. They love her. When the folks moved to Cali and I flew out there from North Carolina to visit, I took her with me.

Twice.

The two-three week breakup was me acting retarded. I moved out of my one bedroom place (the one she had a key to) and moved into a bigger and nicer place with 2 friends from college. 2 single friends from college.

I spent 3.5 of the 4 years of college partying, drinking and sleeping with as many girls a humanly possible (you only get those 4 years once right). Now I’m living with 2 single guys who were doing the same thing even after we’d graduated. My girlfriend would be gone and I’d walk out of my bedroom and find 3-5 people half naked in my living room, drunk and playing truth or dare, or strip poker or something retarded. And I couldn’t play. Girls would be coming over for booty calls. And I couldn’t play. Saturday mornings - finding panty’s under the couch and playing the “who the hell do these belong to” game. And I couldn’t play.

Meanwhile, Kris and I (that’s her name) were going through a bit of a 1 year stale patch. I thought I wanted to be single…so I broke up with her. I’ve said it once…and I’ll say it again, “I know, I know…I’m an asshole”. After a few weeks I realized what a huge fuckin mistake I made and went running back. I had to REALLY work to fix the damage I’d caused. But eventually she took me back. (no I didn’t bang anybody else during the time we were broken up…….Seriously…I didn’t)

So after all of that crap…we are going to finally be face to face. After 2 years. No one has come close to taking her spot.

This meeting will be a sort of “what should we do now” kind of thing. Nobody’s replaced her, and nobody’s replaced me…

So I ask you… What the hell should we do now?

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-07-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

This post has been sponsored in part by,The Encyclopedia of Sex...Who reminds us to always use THE FORCE...

Double The Sex Today...tell all your friends!!

Today's 1st Word (for the geeks):

The Grievous (verb)
When a woman jacks off 4 guys with her hands and feet, and deepthroats one. This gives the appearance of General Greivous from Star Wars, complete with the coughing.

Example:
I thought Miranda was so conservative until I saw her doing The Greivous on the football team.

Todays 2nd Word:

Hateful Granny (verb)
A slang term for getting semen ejaculated into your ear.

Example:
I wanted to cum on her face but she freaked out and turned her head so I ended up giving her a Hateful Granny.

Vegas - Day 1

2005-07-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

OK… I’m feeling a little better…plus it’s only like 8:30 right now on the west coast. If I go to sleep now I’ll wake up at like 5am (my body is weird…after about 8 - 8.5 hours of sleep…I’ll just wake up. It’s uncontrollable and sometimes annoying). So here’s a recap…..or as much as I can recap before falling asleep on this laptop.

Friday Night – Arrive in lovely Las Vegas. The sun has gone down. It’s still over 100 degrees. AD and I proceed to begin drinking and gambling (in that order). I’m ripped. I’m playing roulette and I’m up 100 bucks or so. This girl at the bar is eyeing me down. Things are progressing nicely. The wheel takes a nasty turn and hits 9 reds in a row…I lose the 100 and 85 of my own to boot. The girl at the bar turns out to be a prostitute. I find this out when I go over to pick her up. She was staring at the 60 year old guy next to me. She said if she wasn’t “working” I could definitely “lay her down free of charge”.

That’s flattering I guess…

Time for the next hotel….

Later Friday Night – We head downtown for a change of pace. Craps and roulette take their turns kicking my ass. Before I know it….it’s 5 am and I’m eating a steak and egg special at the fucking El Cortez (I don’t vividly recall walking over there). We grab a cab back to the Hilton. AD goes to bed. I go back to the roulette wheel. This was a mistake. I walked back to my room as the sun was coming up. I saw a few girls but was finding it hard to formulate words (ironically enough I had no problems spreading chips out over different numbers and colors in a continually unsuccessful manner). End of the first day = minus $200. Viva Las Vegas.

More tomorrow…

I can't feel my fingers...

2005-07-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

Back from Vegas. Great fight. New Middleweight Champion. I don't know why they call her "Lady Luck". Sometimes "she" is a burly ex-con who tries to ass-rape you (just roll with the metaphor).

Basically, I wasn't lucky...(in case the metaphor was lost on ya). I'm exhausted...more later once I recover.

Oh...and a question for anyone who may know (you can save me a trip to Web MD). I went a few of those days without drinking water (plenty of alcohol though) and Vegas hovered between 105 and 115 degrees. On my last night there I noticed that my fingers were swollen. Can anyone explain exactly why this happened? I've gone on benders before...but nothing ever swelled on me.

Weird......

Nap time....

Peace, Love, & Normal Sized Digits,

PK

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-07-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

This life saving information has been brought to you in part by,The Encyclopedia of Sex...Because knowing is half the battle...

Todays Word:

A Cookie Monster (noun)
What you become when you toss the salad of an unclean guy or girl...and get "crumbs" all over your face.

Example:
I should have let her take that shower first. When I saw all those damn crumbs in my mustache I realized I'd become a cookie monster.

An ode to Bad Santa

2005-07-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

...and Mimi for working the words "fuck me santa, fuck me santa, fuck me santa" into a blog post. That's no easy task.

So to the movie that cracks me up everytime I see it, I present a dramatic reading (I may be a little off, but gimme a break...I'm still at work.)

Fat Kid: So what are their names?

Bad Santa: Who?

FK: The elves.

BS: (drunk w/ a hot rag over his face) Dopey…and….uh….Sneezey….and….um

FK: (interrupting) Those are the seven dwarfs!

BS: Oh…shit….it is isn’t it? Well I don't know, I just say hey. Or I call him Bub…or I say…I say…Hey Chief! Or I don’t know. (irate & snatching the rag off of his face) Jesus Christ kid! Are you fucking with me!!!!!!

FK: (un-phased) Is it cold?

Cognitive dissonance…and a whole bunch of other shit.

2005-07-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

On Monday I got a raise. And then the rest of the week proceeded to suck complete ass. I really don’t follow the correlation between more money and more responsibility. Or should I say I don’t believe there should be one. Maybe I’m a renaissance thinker for my day and age, but I say fuck that! Give me more money and don’t worry about my workload, biatch!

My bosses think otherwise.

“PK, you are doing an absolutely terrific job. Here’s a little more money and a lot more work. Go get ‘em sport”. You’ve really just got to love corporate America. So maybe my ideas about getting more money for the same amount of work are wrong. But can’t we at least meet in the middle? A little more money for a little more work…that sounds fair doesn’t it?

My bosses think otherwise.

Did I mention that you HAVE to love corporate America??

-------

If you’ve wondered why I’ve been completely sucking ass at posting to this thing, please re-read the first couple of paragraphs (If you haven’t cared, then kiss my black ass I guess). The last three days have consisted of getting in to the office a little early and leaving a little late. Eating dinner. Not feeling like doing shit else (especially anything involving a monitor) and then going to bed. Without sex even… (As much as I love being single, a girlfriend would come in handy right about now). But Vegas is 3 days away…so I’d have to break up with her anyway.

I kept going to bed earlier and earlier and waking up feeling more and more fatigued. I was reeking of lethargy. So this morning I went to the gym…

Clutch the pearls…

If you really start going to the gym with a decent amount of regularity, your body will really kick you in the ass when you miss it for a few days straight. Or at least mine will. I guess that’s good…

-------

Random Shizzle:

How whipped is the Boston kid on this new Real World? How many episodes until the black kid and the blond frat boy start banging Real World groupies left and right? Why were no other seasons banging groupies? Maybe they were and they just didn’t brag about it. Which begs the question.......

Why the fuck wouldn't you brag about it? I can't be the only one confused about this.

I am the master of roulette, 3 card poker, craps, and black jack. Next week I will regale you with tales of how I took Vegas to the cleaners.

Or I’ll call you for gas money. Either way you will be regaled.

Jasmine was telling Rhonda how pissed she is that she was on the rag and couldn’t hook up with me at her last party. I’m glad I’m not the only one who was upset by this.

Sorry about the Hump Day Sex Word. It will be there tomorrow.

Leave your phone numbers in the comments section. I wasn’t kidding about the gas money.

Peace, Love, & Lots & Lots Of Luck,

PK

Reel time with the kid...

2005-07-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

More movie passes...

The cool thing about those things (obviously) is that you get to see a free movie. The pain is that it can't be a new release. So your stuck sifting through the movies that have been out for 10 days or more.

Whatever.

It was a lazy saturday afternoon and I didn't have shit to do anyway, so I didn't care if the movie was 30 days old. AD & I end up at "The Longest Yard". I didn't catch it when it first came out and I can always do a Sandler flick, so what the hell. It got off to a pretty rocky start to say the least...and then the movie's savior showed up....Terry Crews.

Now you probably don't recognize his name because he's definitely a B-List actor and hasn't actually "starred" in anything that I know of. But he is fast becoming one of the funniest B-List actors EVER.

(NH)

After a solid performance in "Friday After Next", he has BREAKOUT (in my retarded opinion) roles in "White Chicks" (a movie in which he was by far the funniest) and now in "The Longest Yard" in which he plays "Cheeseburger Eddy" an inmate who has the hookup to get various McDonalds products into the prison (No. I'm not kidding). He proceeds to hit me with GEMS such as...

After blocking Sandler's shot on the prison basketball court:
"It's ain't easy being cheesy!!"

And after Sandler hits the ref in the balls for trying to throw the football game:
"You always gotta protect yo McNuggets!!"

Seriously hilarious stuff. When someone passes away he puts a quarter-pounder and an apple pie on their casket next to the flowers (I'm still not kidding you). But perhaps the most amazing thing about these movies...

He does the "Robot" in both of them!! This cat has been the gem of these bad movies...and he's gone on too long without recognition for his comedic brilliance.

I feel strongly about this.

Random Crap:

-We played it mellow this past weekend because this coming weekend is VEGAS BABY. Bernard Hopkins vs. Jermaine Taylor for the Middleweight championship. HUGE HUGE fight.

-The Audioslave album "Out of Exile" is off the CHAIN!! I also couldn't get Jay-Z's "Reasonable Doubt" album out of my head so I ended up playing it all weekend. One of, if not THE best rap album of that decade. I'm convinced. I will not argue this.

-Still not watching Entourage? You're fuckin up...

-We slipped into "Fantastic Four" after "The Longest Yard". I thought it was OK. Most of the critics were KILLING this movie. I thought it did a decent job with the plot & characters and left a good setup for the sequel (like you didn't know they were gonna make one). It wasn't great, but about what I expected.

-New Real World tomorrow and new Being Bobby Brown on Thursday. This is what my life is reduced to without sports*... I almost bet on golf the other day.

* = If you didn't catch my post from a few days ago, I don't count the first half of the baseball season as a sport. I can't get my head around 182 games and the ridiculous crap the MLB All-Star game has become. I'm sorry.

PK

Today

2005-07-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

Today I:

Was far to busy. Barely got to blog...and people wouldn't leave me the hell alone.

Remembered that tomorrow is Friday...and they better recognize that the kid doesn't do much on days that start with "F".

Saw a pretty pair of lips.

Finished (what I believe is) the final revision of "The First Quarter". I'm equally astounded by how happy I am and how much it took out of me.

Caught Tuesday's Real World epsiode that I missed (Tivo is sent from either God or the Devil). Either way I'm grateful. Did you see the previews for next week, where the blond chick is tonguing down the other roommate!?! After going on and on about the Boston kid...an sitting by his bedside and shit. Wonderful!! This episode has Las Vegas potential (I'll expound upon that later)

Was tired for most of the day.

AND RIGHT NOW:

I'm only 20 minutes away from tomorrow... So good night to all.

I wish you,

Peace, Love, & And A Lazy Ass Friday

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-07-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

This educational moment was brought to you, in part by The Encyclopedia of Sex...Because...The more you know...

Todays Word:

The John Wilkes Booth (verb)
Get a private balcony box at the opera with your girl and blow your load over the side when the fat lady sings.

Example:
I performed the John Wilkes Booth at CATS, but I would never do it at Phantom.

It tastes so good. Once it hits your lips...

2005-07-05T13:01:00.000-07:00

My liver is sore.

Allergies are kickin my ass. Itchy & watery eyes like you wouldn't believe. Haven't even bothered with the contact lenses for like 3 days now.

I can't see.

Up until a few hours ago, I'm pretty sure I was still legally drunk.

I'm at work.

It sucks gorilla balls.

Went to Jasmine's party on Saturday. Good time until the party wound down and I was ready to get some.

She was on her period.

No, I wouldn't have gone to her party if I'd known that before hand. Yes, that makes me an asshole. No, I don't care that it does.

I was nice about it though.

The 4th was pretty mellow. We didn't feel like dealing with the enourmous crowds at the San Diego beaches (we've done that the past 2 years), so we just called over some chickies, grilled, drank, and hung out.

When Miller starts drinking he deludes himself into thinking he can beat me in pool. I took $40 from him.

How else will he learn?

Watched the fireworks down by the Ocean Beach pier later that night. It was gorgeous.

Hope everyone had a good 4th.

Did I mention my liver was sore?

PK

Freak Me Baby...

2005-06-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

OK -- So how freaky are you kids??

- Copy this entire list into your blog/journal.
- BOLD everything about you that is TRUE.
- Leave plain anything that is FALSE about you.
- Put an asterisk at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.(maybe if ya threw in drinking)

The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
I have been tied up during sex. (Thank God for College)
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building. (I'll tell that story in the next post)

I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.
I enjoy nudie magazines. (What's not to enjoy?)
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn. (There's a difference?)

I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video. (Girl/Girl = Good/Good)

Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on. (I care about hotness more than race. I'm just a nice guy like that)

I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.*
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.*
I have had sex in the snow.*
I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night. (Is this even possible for males?)

I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift. (That's right! Now say thank you...)
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.*
I stopped during this list to have sex.* (I wish. If that were true I could also take care of that sex at work thing)

**If you throw this baby up on your blog, leave me a comment so I can come by (nh) and check it out**

(Found via That Ashley Girl.)

I wish you...

Peace, Love, & Multiple Orgasms

PK

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-06-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

These moments of tasteless humor are brought to you, in part by The Encyclopedia of Sex...Because honestly, what other type of humor is there??

Todays Word:

The Wookie Whip (verb)
When having doggie style sex you pull your penis out and whip it against her ass as you ejaculate and growl like a wookiee.

Example:
That shit felt good as hell last night, so I gave her the old wookiee whip to let her know.

Hey baby...I'm a triathlete. Can you hand me that Icy Hot?

2005-06-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

So training for this triathlon is going to suck balls. I’m in decent shape and I’d been hitting the gym fairly regularly (at least 2-3 times a week) -- but I was lifting. Triathlons are all about endurance and stamina. And it has become PAINFULLY obvious in the last two days that I have NONE.

On Monday I laid off the weights and just went for an hour on the elliptical. When it was all said and done I’d ran about 4.5 miles. That’s pretty damn good except for one thing….Although the elliptical machine is great exercise because it keeps your arms and legs continually moving…It is not a good simulation of running.

At all…

So last night I hopped on the bike for a half hour (the bike being a good simulator for biking and all) and then the treadmill for another half…

Oh.

My.

God!!!

The agony. The horror. The bike and the treadmill tore my ass up (nh) and I didn’t even swim. I’m going to need every single day of the next 2 ½ months.

I usually sneak in my trips to the gym in the morning, but I’ve switched to night. I mean, if I’m going to run myself ragged, running, biking, and swimming…I’d prefer to do it after I go to work. The only good thing about last night was seeing the different girls that were in the gym during this new time slot. To all the girls who attend my 24 Hour Fitness in the mornings…watch out!! That evening shift of girls is pretty tight!

Getting my endurance up is gonna be a long, hard, scenery filled road (I mean really…you should’ve seen that nightshift group!). I just didn’t realize I was so far down that stupid road to begin with. Oh well…let the games begin….slowly though…I’m still sore.

Just Like Music.....

2005-06-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

OK – The Radio Blog is updated with an eclectic mix of crap. If you click the link just underneath it labeled “pop up”, the radio will enter its own window so you can keep listening to my crap while you surf to other places (highly unlikely, I know).

Now I’m sure some of you have looked at the mix of songs and thought one of the following:

“What the fuck?”

“I thought he said he was black…”

“Yup, he definitely went to an all white high school…”

[Note: I laughed while typing all of those questions].

I have varied tastes in food, women, and music – but I can’t very well have a food or women blog without things getting very messy now can I? So there you have it.

Here’s a little bit on my choices:

Common – Because he’s one of few rappers who actually says something that makes sense. I enjoy this. If you’ve never heard him…LISTEN. (Start with “Be”)

Bloc Party – My favorite album right now. British group whose guitar and especially drums (I used to play those bad boys) are just phat as hell. Good lyrics. On the cover of the CD, NME magazine called their CD “as important as The Clash in ‘77”. Pretty high praise… And I don’t particularly like British rock… Love these guys though.

Jay-Z – Arguably the greatest rapper. Undeniably, raps greatest hustler. I admire him immensely for both. ALSO – this song is from the Grey Album. The Grey Album was done by DJ Danger Mouse and mixes Jay-Z’s lyrics with samples from the Beatles. One of the most creative things I’ve ever heard. Again, if you haven’t heard…listen.

The White Stripes – Great sound. Reminds me of Jimi Hendrix…and I love Jimi. “Instinct Blues” is one of the best songs I’ve heard in the last 5 years. Simple concept but brilliant nonetheless. Sound of the song harkens back to BB King or Muddy Waters. Listen to the words…

Coldplay – Commercial as hell? Yes. Still like the sound though…I can’t help it…especially X&Y

Michael Jackson – The fact that he may have touched a child or two doesn’t stop “Thriller” from being one of the greatest albums…..EVER. And “Human Nature” was probably my favorite…although I have a new favorite off of this album every 3 hours or so.

Gorillaz – Super creative group. They don’t sound like anyone else. The last album they collaborated with Del the Funky Homosapien. This go round they grabbed De La Soul, DJ Danger Mouse, MF Doom, and a few others. Not many others are doing that. “Every planet we reach is dead” is a good example of a sound that’s just different.

The Killers – Best Rock Album of 2004. Green Day robbed them last year at the Grammy’s. Yeah! I said it.

Jack Johnson – He’s Jack Johnson…If you don’t know than I probably can’t help you.

Frou Frou – Take drum and bass, and add a very light twist of pop. Not everyone digs it. I do…a little bit.

Foo Fighters – The band few people admit is actually better than Nirvana. Even though it’s true. I just got “In Your Honor” yesterday… So far so good. I chose this song solely after reading CB’s post today.

Peace, Love, & I Don’t Give A Damn If You Don’t Like Not One Of The Songs,

Ha ha

PK

What the hell am I thinkin...

2005-06-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

AD talked me into the triatholon. *shaking head* I know... I know...

More on Saturday with Lisa and some other shiznit later. And I swear I'm gonna update that stupid radio blog.

I'll be back around lunch time...gotta put in a few hours for the man. Oh and those who wanted to know about the ~~love~~ lust triangle...check out the post below.

Laterz

PK

The Triangle Offense...

2005-06-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

OK, so if you care…here it is.

I started working my current job right around January of ’04. My first day on the job I run into a girl who works here and has one of the most ridiculous bodies I’d seen in a while (I’m a leg and ass man). I mean nicely toned, curvy in the right places, cute face. I was in immediate lust. I wanted to pull her clothes off as soon as I saw her, and so I sought to make this a reality. We’ll call her Lisa.

A few weeks later the company also hires Lisa’s roommate. They’d been friends through college and now lived together. Lisa of course helped her get the job. This is Rhonda. Rhonda and I hit it off immediately too, but in more of a big brother/little sister type way. This isn’t to say that Rhonda isn’t attractive as well, because she is very much so. In fact, just face to face I think Rhonda wins in a close one. But that body Lisa sports was just too much to overlook.

So fast forward a few months and Lisa and I are sleeping together. (You can only hang around The Kid for so long before ya start to love him.) Fast forward a few more months and the inevitable “relationship” talk starts. She wants one, I don’t. I’m not even sleeping with anyone else, I just didn’t want to be committed at that point in time (still fucked up a bit over the X).

By the time spring of this year rolls around I’d been able to pull off a “friends with benefits” situation with Lisa while staving off any “boyfriend” titles. Rhonda and I are the best of friends (completely platonic) and everybody is happy.

I’d met a few more of their friends over the course of this time, one of which was Jasmine. Now Jasmine and I only met a couple of times (she lives near LA) and during those times I was sleeping with Lisa, so I didn’t pay much attention…and neither did she for that matter. But we were cool and got along fine.

And then it happened…

Lisa got a dream job offer from a company just outside of LA. Also, unbeknownst to me tension between Lisa and Rhonda had been building from them living together. Ya know how you love all of your friends…but that doesn’t mean you can live with all of them? Well it was one of those things and they just didn’t make good roommates. So to take the job Lisa has to break the lease. Money, possessions and feelings all got fucked up and Lisa and Rhonda stop being friends. Lisa takes off for LA. She visits every now and then, we hookup, and we stay friends.

A few months later Rhonda gets a job offer (A phat one too. She works right on Wilshire) and she takes off. She crashes with Jasmine while she looks for a place. I head up there to party one weekend and Jasmine is flirting like hell. The whole time I’m thinking, “she knows I still hookup with her friend Lisa”, and I’m confused. Turns out Jasmine doesn’t care much about Lisa. When Rhonda and Lisa split up the apartment and the friendship, it was like a divorce. Those closer to Lisa, rolled with her and we’re like, “fuck Rhonda”. Those closer to Rhonda did the same thing to Lisa. Needless to say, Jasmine rolled with Rhonda.

Also, it turns out Jasmine always had a thing for me, but left well enough alone because of Lisa. Well since they fell out, all bets were off…and she was coming at The Kid…hard. I glance at Rhonda and she’s giving me the, “fine by me. I won’t say anything” look. So I go for it. After all, I am single and it’s not like I’m hooking up with friends right?

I figured eventually they’ll make up and the fact that I hooked up with them both would come out. But they’re all in LA now so I’m thinking no matter how bad it gets, at least I won’t have to deal with it on an everyday basis. Besides, hooking up with Lisa & Jasmine is fun (very fun actually), but if they both hated me it wouldn’t bother me too much. As long as Rhonda and I are cool, that’s all I really care about. She’s my dog fo real.

But so far, no reconciliations are on the horizon and the two sides still aren’t talking (about me that is), so all is good. Lisa was here this past Saturday night (yup, I sure did) and Jasmine is throwing a party on July 2nd. it will probably be just like the last one. I’ll have to sort this shit out a little better before I move to Hollywood. But there’s plenty of time for that…

I wish you all….

Peace, Love, & Discretion

P to the K

Didn't you get the memo...

2005-06-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

This will be a short post, as I'm still 9 to 5'ing it right now. Apparently no one has realized it's Friday and that I'm only here as a figure head. I come in on this most holy day to surf the web, write/read blog entries, and eat the free bagels. Not actually work. I mean, I'm in my cube, but only because if I were to stay at home to surf the web and write/read blog entries I wouldn't get paid. DUH!! (plus there's no free bagels at my crib). After 18 months of working here, I thought all of these things had pretty much been established. But nooooooo....these fools actually want shit done today. Sometimes people really baffle me.

It's too late for me. But I wish you all...

Peace, Love, & Lack Of Agenda,

PK

Tag Biatch...

2005-06-22T21:06:00.000-07:00

[EDIT: I'm tagging Sieze & LuLu]

Because Mimi tagged me...and...well...Mimi's pretty damn cool.

10 years ago... I was learning how nice guys finish last.

5 years ago... I was a college student having the time of my life. I was in love too.

1 year ago...I was on the beach in San Diego without a care.

Yesterday...I began to doubt if anything I ever write (this blog not included) is any good.

Today...I'm getting drunk and forgetting about yesterday

Tomorrow...I’m gonna be wishing it were Friday already

5 snacks I enjoy...Tostitos & Salsa (that counts as one right?), Sour Patch Kids, Popcorn, Chocolate Chip Cookies & Milk, Fritos.

5 songs I know all the words to... It’s All Understood [Jack Johnson], Gimme Tha Loot [Biggie Smalls], Can I Live [Jay-Z], The Choice Is Yours [Black Sheep] (“Engine engine number 9, on the New York transit line”), Thriller [Michael Jackson] (and just about every other song on the Thriller album too).

5 things I would do with $100,000,000... Get completely out of debt, buy a house, a new car, quit my day job and write fulltime, move my ex to Cali…

5 locations I would love to run away to... Costa Rica, Venice (always wanted to do the gondola thing), Cayman Islands, Barcelona, Fiji.

5 things I like doing...writing, drinking, having sex after drinking, gambling, winning.

5 things I would never wear... a flanel shirt, a fur coat, gold or platinum teeth, tight jeans, leather pants.

5 recently seen movies I like...Kicking & Screaming, Troy (I know I’m late), The Girl Next Door (HILARIOUS…much funnier than I expected), Mystic River (disturbing), Closer (phat as hell), City of God (amazing).

5 famous people I'd like to meet...Quincy Jones, Jay-Z, Bill Clinton, Eva Mendez (gotta take a shot), The Weinsteins (Miramax)

5 biggest joys of the moment... pursuing a dream, my neice Kayla, preparing to move (new stuff is always fun), Vegas for the Bernard Hopkins fight, my next project.

5 favorite toys... laptop, IPod, Blackberry, Tivo, Playstation

5 people to tag...don’t know…let me think about it…my brain is mush from the other questions. Feel free to volunteer in the ol comments section.

Fuckin Random

2005-06-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

Today sucked ass. Every fuckin body wanted some fuckin thing. And every fuckin thing they wanted wouldn’t go as fuckin planned. I’ve got a ½ gallon of Seagrams 7 at home calling my name…loudly. I’m runnin out of here, going straight to the grocery store, not passing fucking go, and grabbing some 7up. And then it’s on! I may try to squeeze dinner in there somewhere, but it’s not completely necessary (I could go for a burrito though).

AD is trying to convince me to compete in this triathlon in Malibu. It’s for a good cause and all. And it would be a pretty cool thing to say I’ve done.

“Whassup girlie? I’m a triathlete. What? Why yes I do live around here.”

I don’t know if even that is enough to get me to run 4 miles, swim a ½ mile and bike another 18. I love a challenge though…so maybe.

Highlight of my day: One of my homegirls brought some pixie stix to work. I’m talking the authentic ones that say “pixie stix” along the side. It was some good shit.

I’ll probably end up boning Jasmine’s friend this weekend (she’s coming down to visit) and then banging Jasmine over 4th of July weekend. I’ll really need to sit down and explain this stupid triangle one day this week.

My boy (nh) McGeezy hit me with a phat nickname yesterday…so holla at him and recognize “Sir Links-A-Lot”. Only quality bitches…only quality.

I’ve fallen back in love with Meagan Good. It’s an on again, off again thing. One day I’ll tell her so she actually knows about it. If she would only do a decent movie I’d get to see more of her.

Have you ever seen that movie “Ride or Die” late at night on cable. GOD AWFUL…

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-06-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

This moment of sexual education is brought to you by The Encyclopedia of Sex...Because a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Todays Word:

The Spraytrix (verb)
When you're *going* to give a chickie a facial and she leans back just in time, dodging the semen like Neo did in the first Matrix.

Example:
I thought I had her, but she pulled out the spraytrix to avoid a shot in the eye.

More Random

2005-06-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

If you are in a boxing match and the other guy knocks you out...you probably shouldn't get up off the canvas and talk shit or try to otherwise provoke him.

I mean its already been established that he can knock you out hasn't it? This is why I love stupid people!!

Click to Laugh...

It Never Rains in Southern California

2005-06-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

My ass…

So southern cali has this thing called “June gloom”. For whatever reason (I’m sure there’s some scientific explanation. I’m also sure I’m not interested in it) San Diego gets cloudy and rainy and ugly for just about the entire month of June. It’s weird too because for the past couple of years it has started right on time. I mean memorial day was gorgeous and then BAM the weather just goes right down the shitter. It’s still something to get used to. I’m from the east coast so June was when summer officially got rolling. Here, you’d be better off visiting in December… I’ve been out here for a couple of years and that still trips me out.

This weekend the sun decided to grace us with his presence for a while, which was nice because I had to go up the coast to Laguna for good ol Father’s Day. Now it’s not exactly late breaking news that the 5 freeway sucks donkey dick. Everyone knows this. But the stretch between SD and OC can be bearable if you catch it at the right time. And with a nice day it can be fairly scenic in parts. That’s actually what won me over and got me to move to California after visiting my folks a couple of times… The scenery.

Southern California aside from the nice climate is scenic as all hell. I’ve been to few places that rival it. I mean there are places along the 5 where you can pull over and take a picture and probably sell the thing as a post card somewhere. You can drive all day in Carolina or Jersey…that shit ain’t happening. I always refer to California as awfully beautiful. The housing prices have skyrocketed, finding good apartments is a bitch, just about everything is expensive, gas is ridiculous. But I’ve never had to endure such awful pains in my ass (nh) in such a beautiful place.

Random Thoughts:

Pops is cool (Happy Father’s Day to any who pass by here)…he’s young, so we still can really hang. I love that.

Orange County may be the MILF capital of the world (perhaps second to LA). I ran to the grocery store (1/4 mile away) to pick up some angel haired pasta for my mother and I saw probably 20 women I’d bang. 13 of them had strollers. Really an amazing thing.

Since I hung out with the fam, I obviously wasn’t able to end this month’s mini-drought. This was the only girl I kissed…

My niece Kayla...

Titles can be a bitch to think of...

2005-06-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

Awww...Fuck “the man”. I’ll sit here and write blog entries on your dime if I damn well feel like it. Cause that’s how I roll.

OK so enough of the serious crap for a while…can someone tell me when Bobby Brown’s reality show starts? I can’t be the only one excited about this. It will be the Grand Wizard of train wreck television shows. And I will look upon it, and I will say that it is good.

It’s been a slow ass week so far. I also just realized that the problem with blogging about your sexual experiences is you become acutely aware when you aren’t having any. I’ll have to get on the ball this weekend. So far the week has consisted of:

Monday: Going to work. Coming home. Working on some writing I need to finish. Calling it a night.

Tuesday: Going to work. Coming home. Watching the game. Winning some money (you knew Detroit would take game 3. Sometimes Vegas just gives money away!). Getting drunk…and then working on some writing I need to finish.

Tonight will most likely resemble Tuesday, although I’d like to work in some hot wings if at all possible.

PK

Preesh!

2005-06-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone for their words of encouragement on my post from a few days ago. I really appreciate it. I'll be back a little later with a longer post once I finish this here shift for "the man".

Double The Sex...

2005-06-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

Shouts to The Encyclopedia of Sex for the Hump Day Sex Words. We do it because we care...

Todays Word:

The Angry Unicorn (noun)
A slang term for the sexual act of one person (usually a lesbian) straping a dildo to their forehead and proceeding to fuck their partner with it.

Example:
She said she was pretty wild in bed, but I don't think she can handle my Angry Unicorn.

And in honor of the Lakers since Phil Jackson came back...

Todays 2nd Word:

The Kobe (verb)
The action of shooting a used condom into a trash can.

Example:
After a bad experience, Gordon Bombay pulled out, gave a big sigh, and went straight to the Kobe.

It's too bad that even with Phil they will still suck. Ahh well...

The end of things...

2005-06-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

Miller and I were watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy a couple of months ago. In this particular episode the residents were throwing a big house party. They’d worked crazy shifts at the hospital…sometimes 48 hours at a time. They finally got a chance to cut loose so they partied…hard.

It depressed the hell out of me.

I’ve partied pretty hard, but not quite like that. You see the show really did a good job of showing that the reason they went as crazy as they did is because they work as hard as they do. I can tell you with an unequivocal amount of certainty.

I’ve never worked that hard for anything in my life..

I began to address this issue and it’s origin in the posts Kindergarten Consequences and Kindergarten Consequences Pt. 2. Those entries were written back when I first started my blog and I had zero visitors so I doubt many people read them. But it’s probably the most revealing thing I’ve ever written and why this blog has its title.

But so as not bore you if you don’t feel like rolling back through time. Here is a quick excerpt.

What do you do when you realize that you can put forth 75% of your effort and get results in the 85th, sometimes 90th percentile? If you’re me…you give 75% of course. The problem that occurs (which I’ve only recently realized) is – How much can you care about anything you’re only dedicating three-quarters of yourself too? I don’t think I’ve ever given 100% of myself to any job or course of study…isn’t that the definition of passion? Is it why I’m passionless today?

The saddest thing I can think of is looking back on my life and not having anything that I really went for. Nothing that I can look at and say, even in failure, that I gave my heart and soul in trying to do. So that is the thing that will drive PK out of complacency this summer.

It seems to be the end of things…

Miller was an English major. But he was even lazier than me and ended up not finishing. About a month ago he went on a little weekend getaway with his chickie to San Francisco. They really loved it. He came home and ordered his transcripts from school. It turns out that his chickie didn’t finish either. She got a job that paid well and ended up taking a “break” from school that hasn’t ended. He knows he’s gotta go and finish and that seems to be the place he’d like to do it. She may go with him. With or without her he’ll probably be there for Spring 06.

I’d like to continue to learn and attempt to write for television and movies. I finished the first screenplay and am a quarter of the way through the second.

AD keeps getting promoted at his job. Either I slept on how smart that cat is or his office is infested with idiots. Probably a little bit of both…

We knew when we moved here it was just a bit of a staging ground. A launch pad for when we decided to hop into adulthood and try to do something with the lives we’d been coasting through. So it looks like this fall the aspiring writer, the absentee english student and Joe Corporate will part ways from there clubhouse by the beach. 3 years of chilling, drinking, working, fornicating, and figuring it the fuck out really flew by. It’s almost surreal now.

This summer I’ll network through friends in L.A. and at the San Diego Film Festival. I’ll sell most everything I own except my clothes, car, and computer and move to Hollywood to fail, succeed or fall somewhere in the middle. I’ll always love this place and this last summer should be pretty fun. It’s a little scary, but not nearly as scary as never trying for anything at all.

PK

More, more, more...

2005-06-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

OK more coming soon...

Shit I'm diggin:
The Common Album
The New Gorillaz Album
The Bloc Party Album (a lot)

Saturday was Miller's birthday. Won some money on the Belmont, went to the strip club (it's actually not near the hustler store or owned by Larry Flynt - I confused it with another steak house). Still a great time though.

Sunday I spent the day with my friend Rhonda checking out places she wanted to have her birthday party on Sunset. Caught up with my high school friends turned successful writers and smoked (hadn't done that in a while. it was niiiiiiice) and then made the trek back to SD. I've officially decided on moving. This will be my last summer in San Diego...

Back in a few.

PK

Meatwad Unplugged

2005-06-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

Damn I love this show!!

Have a listen to the sweet sounds...

PK

One of them days....

2005-06-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

So I’m running late and I need gas. I’m late because it was one of those really hot and perfect showers and I just couldn’t seem to get out (no homo). I throw on my daily attire (jeans & a T-shirt – working in IT does have some benefits) and head out of the door. I park at the gas pump and walk in the door. I pat my back pocket and...nothing. Fuck! I left the wallet sitting right on the dresser. Just as I’m about to walk out cursing myself, I catch a frizzy haired blond kid surveying the aisle for those little bottles of headache medicine. It's readily apparent that this guy rolled right out of bed.

It’s my roommate Miller.

It’s also 8:30am. Miller’s a bartender, the earliest he ever has to be in is for a lunch shift around 11.

Me: What the fuck are you doing here?

Mill: Went out drinking with my chickie. We started at a happy hour, and after the Mets game shit just kept going and going. I woke up this morning and I felt like someone had spent their evening kicking me in the head.

Me: Yeah I thought you’d wake up and tell me to stop eventually.

Mill: That’s real funny, dick.

Me: Loan me a five biatch

(Hands me a $5 bill. I give it to the cashier and tell him what pump I’m on)

Me: So what the fuck are we doing for your birthday on Saturday?

Mill: Chickie wants to go to the Strip Club downtown and to the Hustler store.

**Note: The Hustler store is SO PHAT. It’s not like your typical adult store that looks all shady and has the curtains pulled and a balding guy in a wife beater working the counter. No Sir! It is 3 floors of well lit, un-tinted, bright, pink neon phatness!! It’s perfect. On every floor the windows are completely clear, almost like an office building. From the street you can see quite certainly who is in there shopping. And the thing is...you don’t care! The hustler store is a giant statue downtown that says, “I like women or men or both! I like sex…and all of the toys, clothes, costumes, movies, lingerie, lubricants, and enhancers that come with it. I like pleasure. And if you’re ashamed of that, or you think that’s a problem...then something is wrong with you not me. I’m not tinting any windows and I’m not pulling any curtains. You can just kiss my ass!”**

Really great place. They’ve even added a little nook where you can sit down and have a soda or Snapple. In case you got a little tired or thirsty perusing through all of their stuff. I'm not making this stuff up...

**Note 2: The strip club isn’t really a strip club. It’s a steak house that Larry Flynt owns that’s next to the Hustler store. They have great NY strip there. Hence the catchy little name for the place**

ME: Nice, sounds like a plan. We’ll go to the horse track at Del Mar in the afternoon. See if we can win some money on the Belmont before we kick off the evening.

Mill: Fuck yeah.

So we part ways and go off to our separate destinations. Me – to work (hoo-fuckin-ray). And him – back to bed with a couple of Advil and probably some afternoon delight before he goes in for the evening shift. I should’ve been a fuckin bartender!

So I hop back in my car, looking forward to a shitty day and a great weekend. I get halfway down the street and realize...

I never pumped the fucking gas!!

I pull one of the most illegal U-turns you’ve ever seen. Nearly kill a few pedestrians and go racing back to my gas pump. Gas is expensive as shit out here in California. I can’t be playin around. If a pedestrian or two had to die for my $5 in gas...then so be it. Luckily I made it back before someone else got to that pump. But from that point I knew it would be one of those days...

Random Thought of the Day

2005-06-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

Remember that show "Wonder Years"? Remember Winnie?

Dealbreakers...

2005-06-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

I’m a mellow drunk. In fact, I’ve always been a mellow drunk. I get a nice buzz going and I play the bar or the back of the club or the pool tables or whatever is off to the side and out of the way. I was never a center stage kinda guy in public. I was more the guy who you never even saw until he was leaving the club with the chick you brought (in fact I pride myself on this).

As I get older I’m finding I have less tolerance for sloppy, center stage drunk people. They used to annoy me but now when my friends do it, it really starts to get on my damn nerves. Have a drink, chill the fuck out. And stop talking me to death. I never fully understood the people who get drunk and get extremely talkative or hyper...I mean alcohol is a fuckin depressant isn’t it?

Also, if I consistently need to keep you out of fights or help you to the car…I’m not drinking with you anymore. Making sure you don’t knock some guy out and go to jail because you didn’t like the way he looked at you…does nothing for my buzz. Nothing at all. Also ladies, having to help you out of the bar while you stumble around and speak complete drunken gibberish...also a buzz killer.

So it’s officially a dealbreaker for me. I can’t date sloppy drunks. I’m not talking about birthdays/celebrations etc. I mean consistently sloppy drunks…doesn’t matter how hot you are...I can’t do it. It’s been added to a short list of dealbreakers for me..

So what are the dealbreakers for you kids? I don’t mean a 3rd eye or severe body odor or anything obvious. I mean little or quirky things that you just CANNOT deal with. Let me know…

Peace, Love, & A Nice Mellow Buzz,

PK

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-06-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

This blog post is brought to you by The Encyclopedia of Sex...Where perverts come to swap ideas.

Todays Word:

Jacking the Beanstalk (verb)
A slang term for receiving a hand job from a midget.

Example:
The mood was right, so the small lady reached up and started jacking my beanstalk.

Mostly a whole bunch of nothin...

2005-06-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was pretty weak.

Friday, AD & I got drunk and did a whole bunch of nothing. The “doing a whole bunch of nothing” thing felt so good (no homo) that we decided to go ahead and do it Saturday too.

On Sunday I ended up drunk and at the movies watching the Will Farrell movie “Kicking and Screaming” (we got free tickets). HILARIOUS. Now I’m not sure how much of that was me being drunk, but I’m pretty sure it was funny.

Random Thoughts of the Day:

Entourage is the best show on television right now.

The show “Next” on MTV is pure gold. The cheeseballs, the one-liners, and the girl fights are so amazingly funny. Seriously…amazing…if you don’t have basic cable it’s worth it for this show alone.

Wait…why the fuck don’t you have basic cable?!?!

Also…say hello to Mimi and watch this lady get tasered by a police officer. Then laugh. Laugh really really hard!

Are those your CD's??? I love you...

2005-06-03T16:34:00.000-07:00

My parents and my grandmother always tell me this story about when I was a baby. Apparently, my grandmother would sing this one song and I would begin to cry. When they first told me this story, I was like, “grandma, you can’t really sing”.

She slapped me. So I guess it wasn’t that…

But it turns out it was only this one song. This one obscure song and I would cry. It didn’t matter if I had just been laughing, just eaten, just shat my diaper…she’d sing it…and apparently I’d start balling. She could stop singing or just bust into another song and I’d stop…like…immediately. Thus began my weird connection with music.

You know how people have their little checklists when it comes to who they like and who they’d date? The whole - I like tall/short girls or small/huge tits and a flat/juicy ass. Well one of those things for me is the shit you listen to. Seriously, I can look in your CD book and tell you whether or not it would work out between us. Conversely, if you’re like, “you know who I really love? [name of any obscure artist whom I’m into]” I would immediately start digging you. It’s weird…I can’t control it….and I don’t know why I brought it up.

Well yes I do…

The fuckin season finale of the OC (stop laughing geekbird). In the funeral scene where they are burying Caleb this song is playing. It was the perfect song for the scene and all of that…but it stuck in my head for some reason outside of the show. The song turned out to be “Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap. She is part of the band Frou Frou (they are in the radio blog that I badly need to update). So I scour the net to find the entire song so I can have a listen. Turns out ol Immy is an independent artist who keeps her shit sewed up tight. I couldn’t find a copy of the MP3 to save my life.

But I found the video.

So I give it a listen (without even watching the video, cause I’ve got shit to type and I don’t give a fuck about the video). Well when that song started I was planning on having a few drinks this weekend, catching a movie, maybe checkin out some friends in LA. The song played 2 times and I was like – maybe I’ll just stay home and write all weekend. It literally took me like 3 steps down the good mood scale and closer to depression. It’s the 2005 version of that fuckin song my grandma used to sing. Sans the tears. I’m 79% sure that if you strapped me down (nh) and made me listen to that song 20 – 30 times in a row I’d wanna jump off a bridge (you’d have to unstrap me of course).

Anyway, sorry for the weird post, but check out the link and feel free to tell me I’m crazy. Just click through and select “videos”. Disregard the video and then just lay back and stare of into space or some shit. Let the song play and then tell me if I’m a fuckin nut (nh)….

The Video

Girly Man...

2005-06-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

So me and the roommates are in the garage shooting pool and drinking. A few chickies are there and were all just shootin the shit and having a good time. I make some comment about sports, or beer, or women, or all three (I honestly can’t remember), and one of the girls laughs and turns to me and says, “PK, you are such a guy”.

Honestly….It was one of the nicest things I’ve heard in a while.

In this age of Queer Eye, Will and Grace, pretty boys, and metrosexuals…I’m proud to be a “guy’s guy”. I’m proud to be Mel Gibson from the first half of “What Women Want” or Eddie Murphy from the first half of “Boomerang”. I enjoy it. (Although Eddie was a bit pretty (nh) in that movie). So we got into a drunken, pool playing discussion about what makes a guy metro or not (is there really any other way to discuss these things?). Needless to say it was pretty entertaining.

So here’s my take on the whole metrosexual thing. I’m fine with the term, I just don’t like the guys that represent the idea of the classic metrosexuals. I mean, there are some things that I do (no I’m not telling you) that could be considered metro, and I acknowledge that. I just don’t like being called metro because most people think of someone like Ryan Seacrest or Ricky Martin. Growing up, getting called a “pretty boy” was fighting words. I guess I still don’t take too kindly to it.

So you may be asking yourself, “Yo PK, if you admittedly do some things that can be considered metro…why aren’t you a metrosexual?” To which I’d reply, “Mind yo damn business biatch!!.” Then, after I laughed I would tell you the real reason…

PRIORITIES...my good friend...priorities. Let me give an example:

I was watching one of those “The Fabulous Life Of…” shows on VH-1. They showed a clip of Puff Daddy on the phone in his penthouse office while some lady was giving him a pedicure. Now I don’t think that is a metrosexual thing to do. If I had millions of dollars, then sure I’d pay some chick a few bucks to massage my feet and cut my toenails for me. I mean, bending down and cutting my own toenails isn’t something I’ll miss doing...so...why the fuck not, I’m rich biatch!! But if you make around $50,000 and live in expensive ass San Diego, where you’re just a 9-5 schmo and you’re getting pedicures? YOU, my friend are a metrosexual.

And that’s what I mean about priorities. If I have to make an appointment and go to the salon and spend money that I would otherwise use for drinking, or clubbing, or seeing a ballgame with the boys...that would be ridiculous! That would be a metrosexual. But if I’m rich as all hell and can snap my fingers and make a chick appear and rub down my boats anytime I want...that's not metrosexual...that’s just pimp.

But hey...what do I know? I’m just a guy...and DAMN proud of it.

Agree? Disagree? Holla at the kid...

They're jinglin baby...

2005-06-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

Saturday

Now things are warming up. We head up to see Rhonda and Jasmine in LA. Now I said in a previous post that you probably wouldn’t be hearing about Jasmine again…but it turns out I was wrong. Rhonda really is a great friend, and she and Jasmine live together for the time being…so that is that. Plus, I personally feel that (one-night stands aside) you should not sleep with people just once. I mean it’s rarely an accurate assessment. That’s right folks…the kid is all about second chances. Plus it’s not like the first time was bad; just a little awkward for me because it was less than a month ago that I was pulling her friends thong off with my teeth.

But I digress…

So we do the typical cookout and watch the ballgame thing and it turns out to be one of those days where you’re drinking and having a good time and then someone glances at the clock and says, “Do you guys realize we’ve been drinking for like 6 hours?”

Oh, is that why I’m a complete mess? I’d been wondering.

So Jasmine has a girlfriend that decided to join the festivities. We’ll call her Angela. Angela and my roommate AD were hitting it off nicely. So around midnight I’m sitting on the front stoop with Jaz. We’re both nice and oiled up and she’s like, “I’m ready to go to bed”. Now it’s early, but the party is fading fast since it started as a cookout around 3pm and we just kept drinking. In fact one guy had already passed out and decided that Jasmine’s bed was just the place to do it. I should mention that Jasmine has a 1-Bedroom apartment.

Well fuck that…

I ask Jaz if she’s got a CD player in her room. She’s like, “there’s one in the bathroom I can grab. Why?”. I’m trying to think of a tactful way to say, “because my boy is giving me the ‘I can bang this girl tonight’ look”, but nothing came to mind (I’m usually creative when I’m drunk too. I don’t know what happened). I just tried to play it smooth and was like, “no reason in particular, can you grab it for me sweetheart? AD and I will get that guy out of your bed for you”.

AD & I make short work of the guy on the bed. He grabbed his arms, I grabbed his ankles (nh) and we sat him on the couch in the living room. As we did this I could see a few other guys looking at us inquisitively. Well, about as inquisitive as a drunk guy could look. Simple math will tell you that if a guy is taking the passed out kid out of the one bedroom in the house……then he must need that bedroom. I could see the light bulbs going on over their cock-blocking heads. Not tonight fellas…I’m a step ahead of you. As AD and I left the bedroom with drunk-kid, the girls slipped in, stereo in hand. We dropped homeboy on the couch and slipped right back into the bedroom.

Me: (locking the door) What CD is in there?

Jaz: Maxwell

Me: (turning off the lights) Press play.

(music begins to play)

Me: Turn that shit up.

Jaz: Why

(the sound of a belt buckle is heard. AD and Angela are no longer standing.)

Jaz: Oh!

She grabbed some spare blankets so our friends by the foot of the bed could avoid rug burn. And then the actual party began. About 20 minutes later I was still hearing this jingling noise in between songs on the CD. I was thinking to myself, “I know it is like pitch black in here but damn, somebody’s belt still hasn’t come off yet?”

The next morning I found out that Angela likes 2 things. Being on top….and wearing bracelets…

Peace, Love, & Outsmarting The Cock-Blockers

PK

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-06-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

The Hump Day special is served hot and fresh to you by Encyclopedia of Sex. Hilarious website that defines any sexual term (mostly non-clinical) that you've ever heard of...or not heard of.

Today's Word:

Crack Open a Cold One (verb)
A slang term for having sexual intercourse with an unidentified female in the morgue.

Example:
Most necrophiliacs love to crack open a cold one.

Oh...It's only a weekend...?

2005-06-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

So I'm back from my Memorial Day week. I've got some work to catch up on but I'll be posting quick hits here tonight and tomorrow.

Today my wallet was sent back to me from LA via fedex.

It was a good week.

Friday

My friend Lonnie begged me to go see some live band she loves. So off to downtown San Diego we go. The band is called The Rugburns. Their lead guy, Steve Poltz did a solo set that was pretty good too. Check em out if you get a chance (how can you not with a name like “The Rugburns”?). It was a hole in the wall club though, so the selection of girls was incredibly thin. I saw more hot girls at the taco shop we went to afterwards at 3am. But not a bad night. Good music, good friends, and the kid got nice and toasted.

Saturday was better though...it was a throw back to my college days. Somehow I ended up having sex on a bed while my roomate was doing the same on the floor... We just turned up the stereo, hit the lights, and everyone started going at it. God bless alcohol...(I don't think I can ask him to bless fornication).

More in a little bit...

Random Thought of the Day:
I caught the movie City of God this weekend. Damn good movie. It's subtitled though, so don't watch it hungover.

Hangover + Subtitles = Rough Time

Also, today I read about how when McG's baby gets a stuffy nose he breaths heavily. He said that through the baby monitor he sounds like a little Darth Vadar.... That's the FUNNIEST thing I'll hear all day!!

I played the over on the Phoenix/San Antonio game. Oh well, I guess my good luck had to run out sometime.

100 Things

2005-05-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

All my friends are doin it...

1. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was a kid --- the next Perry Mason or Matlock
2. I still am a pretty smooth and persuasive talker
3. I only use this talent for sex now – it’s too bad really, the lawyer gig would’ve paid better
4. I was born and raised in Jersey.
5. It was the only place I’d ever lived before going off to college
6. My high school was not only predominantly white, but also had a large jewish population
7. I am black
8. I tried to explain to my black friends why my school was closed for “Yom Kippur”
9. They didn’t understand
10. I ran track and played basketball
11. I wasn’t really breaking any stereotypes there I guess
12. Despite how few there were I still managed to date mostly Black an Latina girls
13. I stress “mostly”. I don’t really discriminate
14. Besides black women I also have a weakness for Puerto Rican women
15. No Mimi, that’s not the only reason I read your blog
16. I started off at a Historically Black College my freshmen year.
17. I hated it
18. I love black people
19. I also love variety
20. So I transferred after the first year
21. North Carolina is a great place to go to school
22. It’s not a great place to live after you graduate
23. Having a girlfriend in college seemed like the HEIGHT of stupidity to me
24. I was a giant egotistical whore in college
25. It was fun
26. I’m a MUCH better person now.
27. I avoided relationships like the plague until the January before I graduated
28. And then I fell hard
29. She was 2 grades behind me, but only 1 year younger
30. I started Kindergarten early
31. I stayed in NC and worked as a 9-5 schmo until she graduated
32. I gave her a key to my apartment
33. It was traumatizing
34. I’ve never done it since
35. In the 2 years of living of North Carolina and waiting for her to graduate I grew to hate it there
36. I grew up 40 minutes outside of Manhattan…living down south at age 23 was KILLING ME
37. You don’t notice how slow it is while you’re in school though
38. Mostly because I was being a whore
39. My parents and little sister lived in Jersey while I was down south for school
40. I missed them during that time, especially my sister
41. 2 months after I graduated from college they moved to Orange County CA
42. Then I really missed them
43. I have no family in North Carolina
44. Carolina was slow, had few job opportunities for me, and I spent a total of 6 years there (4 – college + 2 – working & chilling with GF)
45. For my girlfriend, Carolina was HOME, had her family, and a ton of opportunities
46. It would’ve been fucked up for me to try to force her to move to California
47. It would’ve been fucked up for her to try to force me to stay
48. So I didn’t. And she didn’t
49. I just moved
50. We never really broke up
51. There has been no closure
52. We talk on the phone all the time
53. But I haven’t seen her in 2 years
54. She feels like if she came to visit, she would just remember all the reasons we were together….and then in a few days have to leave again.
55. She hasn’t invited me back to visit
56. But now it’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t really care about all that stuff and just wants to see me
57. She’s coming to visit in 2 months
58. It will be interesting
59. I dated a girl in California who had the potential to replace her
60. Ironically enough, that girl ended up having to move to the east coast
61. Most of the time I enjoy being single
62. San Diego in the summertime is a sex pot
63. There are very few good places to get authentic Italian Food out here
64. West coast Chinese Food is far different (i.e. worse) than East Coast Chinese Food
65. I’m not sure why
66. I’ve fallen in love with Sushi
67. I could eat it 3-4 times a week
68. I never in a million years thought I’d say that
69. Gas prices are KILLING ME
70. Arnold isn’t so bad as the Governor
71. I hate Kobe Bryant
72. I love Shaq (nh)
73. My roommates are the absolute SHIT (Miller & AD – I described them in the Random Shit post).
74. So is my house
75. Miller has a girlfriend
76. AD is hangin tough with me
77. His girlfriend is OK though, she likes sports, beer, pool, gambling, eats meat, and drinks, and likes sex
78. That’s pretty much the gist of what we do anyway, so she seems pretty good for him I guess
79. He’s flying her back to Jersey to meet the Fam and our friends still on the east coast
80. He’s whipped
81. Up until last month or so I was sleeping with the HR rep at our job.
82. She was pretty reserved in the office
83. Not in the bedroom
84. She wanted a relationship
85. I didn’t
86. She moved to LA (not because of me, because of a better job)
87. When she left I started sleeping with her friend
88. I felt a little bad
89. Not bad enough to stop
90. But summer’s here so I’m not sleeping with any of them (besides the big ex-girlfriend trip isn’t too far away)
91. I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself out here
92. I like my job, but not well enough to do it for the next 5-10 years
93. My degree is in English, and writing is the only thing I truly love to do
94. Don’t judge me by my blog writing…that’s my fun time.
95. I’m 60 pages through my first screenplay
96. Screenplays are 110 – 150 pages depending on the genre
97. That’s a lot of fuckin pages
98. I have a few friends that may be able to sell it for me
99. That would be nice
100. If I somehow become rich, I will still post here.

I Ain't Lion

2005-05-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

Apparently there is a league of midget fighters in Cambodia. They're sort of like Ultimate Fighters in the US....except they're midgets....and they're in Cambodia.

The leader of the midget fighting league ensured that his 42 fighters could take on and defeat ANYTHING. Well...someone suggested they couldn't beat an African Lion.

Comedy Ensues...

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-05-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

This blog post is sponsored in part by The Encyclopedia of Sex. Helping people learn and laugh all at the same time.

Todays Word:

The Wobbly H
Two men stand facing each other forming the vertical parts of the H. A woman stands (bending over) between them forming the horizontal part of the H. They wobble back and forth, penetrating their respective ends. This can become an Eifel Tower if the men high five.

Example:
Because she was pressed for time, the smart hooker utilized the wobbly H to double her productivity.

Who is you??

2005-05-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

My topics in my blog posts are all over the place. I imagine it would be a bit hard to get a read on me. Or maybe it isn’t…what do I know? But either way I figured I’d use a post to tell yous guys a little bit about me and answer some of the questions I get asked in emails. I thought about doing one of those “100 things about me” lists, but to be honest I’ve only seen a couple of people do them and I’m pretty sure mine wouldn’t come out as cool as theirs. So here is some random shit about the kid in some random format.

I live near pacific beach in San Diego --- about 5 ½ miles away. To people who live here that doesn’t really qualify as close…but I’m from New Jersey where nice beaches are few and far between, so for me…that’s close.

My roommates and I rent a house. It’s the type of house that as soon as you walk in, you’d look around and say, “guys live here”.

I like that.

We have a garage with a pool table, a patio with a grill and a backyard with a horseshoe pit. We currently subscribe to DirecTV and pay for the NBA package, the College Basketball Package, the Baseball Package, and the NFL Ticket. I like this also.

It’s a 4 bedroom house and there are currently only 3 of us actually living there (me, Miller, AD). I don’t like this. We had a guy named Brandon living with us but he got a job in Manhattan and moved across the country. We need to find a roommate…rent divided by 3 is a bitch!

Before Brandon our friend Ryan lived there. Those were the best of times because…

I’ve known Ryan since 8th grade. I’ve known Miller since 2nd grade, and AD was my best friend and roommate through college. We were all single and our house was like the UN.

Miller = Blond haired, blue eyed surfer type.
AD = Mixed Black and White.
Adler = Brown haired, brown eyed. Jewish
Me = Black. Brown skinned & bald

It was perfect. Odd bunch to see out on the town, but San Diego has a real mix of ethnicities so we would do OK.

3 of us were English Majors (Me, AD, & Miller). Neither of us put this to good use.

Miller is a bartender. All three English majors have hooked up with someone from his restaurant.

There is a beer light in our garage. It was sent to us from the store where AD’s mom and stepdad work. The store was robbed last year and AD’s stepdad was killed in the process. Now whenever we turn it on we have a drink in his memory.

The walls in our house are thin. Everyone can hear everyone else have sex. This is funny to me.

We use the grill more than we use the oven or stove.

I’m pretty sure I left the love of my life in North Carolina. I just couldn’t take it anymore (living in NC not her).

I’m not sure if she’ll ever move out here.

I know I won’t move back.

California has a lot of girls though…I may have spoken too soon on that love of my life thing.

She’s coming to visit for a week in July. That will be interesting… Since I haven’t seen her since I left……2 years ago.

My mother loves her. That’s kind of annoying.

No matter how much we’ve talked on the phone in those last 2 years, that visit will still be crazy.

My parents have been married for 27 years…and still like each other. That’s crazy as well.

I have one sibling --- a younger sister. They discovered my mom was pregnant with her during a doctors appointment to get her tubes tied. That still cracks me up.

My mother’s tubes are not tied.

Miller has fallen to the dark side. AD & I are still single. The first year we moved to San Diego we compared the quantity and quality of girls we slept with.

We stopped doing that.

We gamble on football, basketball, baseball, boxing, and occasionally soccer. AD lost $20 when Natalie Portman didn’t win the Oscar for “Best Supporting Actress”.

We like to gamble.

So it should come as no surprise that…

We also like Vegas. We went to the Paquaio vs. Morales fight. It was amazing. We just bought tickets to the Bernard Hopkins fight. It will be amazing. I will be front row at a boxing match before I die.

I guess that’s enough. Hit me with any questions you’d like the answer to that I missed here.

Peace, Love, & Good Grillin,

PK

angels and devils scare me…

2005-05-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

Whether you believe in God, Buddha, karma, the Bible, Quran, or none of the above, you still have an angel and a devil. They sit on your shoulders. I first learned this from cartoons. But it is true. The devil is the one who says things like, “forget the condom, it’ll feel better (no homo)”, or “nobody’s lookin just take it (no homo)”, or “she says she doesn’t like anal…but has she tried it?? Hmmmm??” Just bad bad things.

So I’m sleeping this morning and the alarm goes off. It’s that crucial point where I have enough time to get up and go to the gym, or just stay there and channel surf until it’s time for me to shower. The angel begins to do his thing:

You always feel better after you’ve gone. Plus beach season is here, a little extra toning never hurt. You’ll regret it if you just lie here and channel surf.

The devil starts in immediately after:

Whoa whoa whoa what the fuck? The gym? Man, fuck the gym. Let’s chill. The remote is right there on the nightstand. I bet there’s some good videos on MTV or MTV2 or BET or VH-1 or Fuse or something. Plus there’s an 88% chance that the last thing in your VCR is a porn or a kung-fu movie. These are equally gratifying aren’t they? Let’s just rethink this gym bullshit. Besides, you get chicks with game, not by oiling up and getting all extra sexy on the beach. That shit is corny. You got game PK…so stop playing around…I’m dying to know what’s in the VCR.

The scariest part of this morning was that when the devil was talking, I actually got a little excited (no homo). All of his ideas sounded great…I was amazed at how anxious I was to get to doing nothing. I mean, one read of this blog’s title and you can tell I’m fairly lazy…but today I was actually anxious to get started at being complacent. Like I woke up from a fresh 8 hours of sleep and my subconscience was saying, “Well…all that sleep was refreshing…let’s go ahead and get right to…not doing shit”. That’s bad. I mean not doing shit is one thing…but being excited to not do shit…that’s scary.

So……it was a good workout and I’m glad that I went. The VCR either has “5 Deadly Venoms” or “Hot Chocolate Part 7” in it. I’m not sure. But tomorrow’s another day.

I'm convinced...

2005-05-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

Random Thought of the Day:

Tom Cruise is CRAZY......and gay.

Pure Gold...

2005-05-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

Blowing people off is an awkward thing to do for most. Going on a date or two, realizing you’re totally not into someone and then having to tell them is usually a drag. Perhaps worse, is dating or being in a relationship with someone for a while and then realizing the spark is no longer there. Telling the person in that situation is arguably worse. But whatever the circumstances, I’ve learned you should be honest and straight up with the person. It’s usually the best thing to do in the long run (i.e. lessens your chances of getting stalked).

So basically, if you:

1. Break up with someone via email, you’re kind of an asshole.
2. Break up with someone via text messaging, you’re definitely an asshole.

But…

If you create a website where people who have been dumped (or vice versa) can post the actual email and text messages they’ve sent (or received) to those poor bastards…well that makes you a genius!!

You’ve gotta checkout Cyber Breakups.com. It’s a place where you can share the bullshit text messages and email you’ve sent to break it off with people. It’s a new site and the posts so far are hilarious, but there aren’t too many yet. I’m definitely trying to spread the word so that more people will post. The site is pure gold...

I found out about it through Nick Geez's Blog (gotta give cred where cred is due).

Until the next time, have a good weekend, and I wish you all…

Peace, Love, and Straight Up Break-Ups

PK

Bonus Sex Word

2005-05-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

So my homegirl Mimi from Simply Complicated didn't think the "Pirate" was too funny. After reviewing the last two "Hump Day Sex Words" I've noticed that I've been a little gender biased. Both of the last terms have been stuff that men do to women. So in the interest of fairness, I scoured the Encyclopedia one more time to see if I can try to even things out. While doing so I learned something...

It will never be even.

95% of the entries in that thing are from guys. Maybe I'll check out a few other sites to see if women are posting the disgustingly hilarious things they do to guys. I can make no promises though. But in the meantime, here's a little somethin somethin...

Balls In The Wind (noun/verb)
A slang term for when a woman farts all over the man's testicles during intercourse.

Example:
She tried to hold it but couldn't, so she just went ahead and put his balls in the wind. (I used my own example sentence for this one)

Random Thought of the Day:
My homeboy got his water turned off yesterday. It was after 5pm when he got home and found out, so he had to wait until the next day to get it cut back on. That’s really a ~~funny~~ terrible thing. He was telling me that they usually send a friendly reminder (i.e. “hey we haven’t received your payment, just letting ya know) and then a shutoff notice (i.e. “motherfucka don’t even bother mailing it, cause WE COMIN!).

Well apparently this time they just shut his shit off after the “friendly reminder”. That’s really one of the ~~most hilarious~~ meanest things you could do to someone. I let him shower and have a glass of water at my place.....then I threw him back on the street like the bum that he is.

Just kidding.

I couldn’t help but laugh at that cat though. He didn’t find it too funny till after his shower.

May the geeks be with you...

2005-05-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

Random Thought of the Day:

Yes, I'm going to the midnight showing of Star Wars tonight.
Yes, I want to see it that bad.
No, I won't be wearing any costumes or paraphernalia.

The Hump Day Sex Word

2005-05-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

More comedy, brought to you by the good folks at Encyclodedia of Sex. Hilarious website that defines any sexual term (mostly non-clinical) that you've ever heard of...or not heard of.

Todays Word:

Pirate (noun)
When a man ejaculates in a woman's eye, then kicks her in the shin and runs away. The woman chases the man limping and covering one eye just like a pirate.

Example:
I was with a hooker last night, and instead of paying I gave her a pirate.

What are the odds?

2005-05-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

The only thing better than watching mind-numbing, pop culture saturated television is winning money while doing it. Now I don’t gamble on the internet, because that is illegal. But if I did, I would like the odds on Bo Bice (the internet site that I don’t use to gamble really lets you bet on anything). He’s clocking in at a 5/4 favorite, and we all already know he’s gonna win. As a matter of fact I’m taking 3/1 odds on bets that he’s banging Paula Abdul as I write this. This may be worth throwing a few dollars on… God I love technology.

Also, I apologize to my 3.5 readers for the late posts. I was pounded by the flu this weekend. I’ll try not to leave you crazy kids unattended for 3 days like that again.

Random Thought of the Day:

Go see the movie Crash. Absolutely terrific movie about stereotypes, discrimination, power struggles, all portrayed by an AMAZING cast. Mostly though, it’s about people and to me that’s always the most entertaining subject matter.

5 Questions with the Kid...

2005-05-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

Questions provided by those cool cats at Begging the Question

1. If you could change any element of your physical appearance, would you? If so, what would you change? If you could change any aspect of your personality would you?

Some washboard abs would be cool. I’m pretty fit, but from what I hear those ridiculous abs you see guys with on TV mainly come from dieting. That’s just not happening…As long as beer and liquor continue to have calories.

As far as my personality…a work ethic would be nice. And if there was a way to curb some of this nonchalance I’m covered in, that would be cool too. But whatever…

2. Name a good make-out song (I believe the kids these days would call that "baby-making music").

Janet Jackson has made a few good ones. I’ll go with “Anytime Anyplace”. Although I, like most guys, could probably care less. I mean if things are rolling along well, as long as you’re not hitting me with like Bette Midler or something we should be fine.

3. What did Britney say to Kevin when she found out she was pregnant? What was his response?

B: Honey, I just found out there’s a bun in the oven
K: SWEET! I’m starving. Is that shit glazed?
B: No, I mean I’m pregnant!
K: Oh! I thought that couldn’t happen when you did it in hot tubs.
B: Me too. But I guess that’s not true.
K: Damn, I guess not.

(several seconds pass)

K: So then we have no cinnamon buns here right?

4. Did Oswald act alone?

Yes with his magically magic bullet. But I also think that leprechaun from Lucky Charms had something to do with it. Where else could he have got that bullet? I never trusted that bastard.

5. (Obligatory Friday the 13th inspired question) Are you superstitious? Do you believe in luck, karma, fate, the supernatural, etc?

I do believe in karma. I firmly believe that the energy you put into this universe will almost always come back to you in some way, shape, or form. So to all of the like 4 people who stop by here—thank you and I wish you:

Peace, Love, & Good Makeout Music…

The Love Child of Complacency & Pop Culture

But no matter what you do, it always feels as though you tripped and fell

All the poets are just kids who didn't make it...and never had it at all...

California show your teeth. She's my priestess, I'm her priest...

Me, Bacardi, & A Vision

Those boom times went bust. My feet of clay they dried to dust. And the red isn't the red we painted, it's....... just.......rust.

I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive...

I'm hopelessly hopeful and your just hopeless enough...

I left my conscience pressed between the pages of a bible in a drawer...

Long...but not lost...

The Wedding (con't)

Here comes the kid...

I’m not feeling very witty…

And the winner is...

The Discovery Channel

Intervention anyone?

Random Thoughts With The Kid

Play Ball!!!

Mostly it’s for the rush, but the money is good too.

It's all understood...even when you don't understand...

Streaming PK

Fly with me, I can't quite make it alone...

Pals

I'm a hustla baby. I just thought you should know...

Turn nothin to somethin, now pimpin that's a savior...

Out to Lunch...

Fun on a Thursday...

You're not a victim. You're an idiot

You can find me in the club...

The day after yesterday...

Stream of...

Quickie

Awfully Hot

Yo Joe!!!

Well then...

Who cares…

My Prayer...

The Hump Day Sex Word

Hooray for the bad guys

Kidding Myself

The Score

So I can't blame the narcolepsy...

So…I probably should’ve mentioned the narcolepsy…

What's the deal??

Those Magic Words...

Grey...

The Hump Day Sex Word **EDIT**

The simpler the better...

Crazy.....Deranged

The Ex Factor...

The Hump Day Sex Word

Vegas - Day 1

I can't feel my fingers...

The Hump Day Sex Word

An ode to Bad Santa

Cognitive dissonance…and a whole bunch of other shit.

Reel time with the kid...

Today

The Hump Day Sex Word

It tastes so good. Once it hits your lips...

Freak Me Baby...

The Hump Day Sex Word

Hey baby...I'm a triathlete. Can you hand me that Icy Hot?

Just Like Music.....

What the hell am I thinkin...

The Triangle Offense...

Didn't you get the memo...

Tag Biatch...

Fuckin Random

The Hump Day Sex Word

More Random

It Never Rains in Southern California

Titles can be a bitch to think of...

Preesh!

Double The Sex...

The end of things...

More, more, more...

Meatwad Unplugged

One of them days....

Random Thought of the Day

The Hump Day Sex Word EDIT